if harry potter and magic existed in maldives

NOTE: This post is dedicated to everyone who waited for a letter from Hogwarts but never received it because THE STUPID OWL THEY SENT GOT LOST ON THE WAY!

Growing up reading Harry Potter is perhaps the biggest achievement of my life. Okay okay, maybe not the biggest, but it's definitely up there. So, if you're anything like me, you'd have wondered how wonderful it would have been if we lived in a world where fantastic beasts and creatures roamed the world and, last but most importantly: we went to Hogwarts. This morning I gave a lot of thought (the time it takes me to shower) to the subject and I realized  it might not be all that fantastical  to have the magic of the Potterverse in the Maldives.

tu tuuu tu tuuuu tu tuuuuu tuuuuuu tuuuuuu tutututu

1. Number of dark wizards will rise exponentially 

Some argue that the first Maldivians consisted of shipwrecked seafarers, who later ended up making the Maldivian genome. This explains our range of tools when it comes to problem solving: from pretending the problem doesn't exist to doing black magic to kill the other guy.

Let me present 3 real life scenarios and how the person involved solved the problem:

• Have a problem with your neighbor about who owns the coconut palm, which happens to have his name on it and was owned by his father before him? Answer: Use black magic to kill the dude and claim ownership.
• Ever wanted to shag your handsome hunk of a colleague who's already married to someone else? Use black magic to seduce the guy into courting you.
• And most importantly...did your football team ever have a match they really needed to win? USE BLACK FUCKING MAGIC!

good luck porking dhaleyka now!

The point I'm trying to make is that we are sort of dicks to people if we don't get things our way whether we can do magic or not! Makes you reassess whether you really want everyone you know, especially your frenemies, be able to do magic, huh? To be honest, I won't be surprised if Maldives has more dark wizards than the entire population of Slytherins who graduated Hogwarts.

2. From a paradise for tourists to a paradise for stalkers

The modus operandi for most Maldivian men to court prospective females is to harass them. This includes but is not limited to stalking them, stalking their families, calling them on their phones, calling their friends, learning their schedule and popping up everywhere they went, and finally, buying gifts to appeal to their materialistic side. Sad as it may sound, sometimes this works. Now imagine you have a crush on Aisha down the street. You absolutely love everything about her. The way she smiles shyly as she fights to keep her veil in place on a windy day. The way her dark brown eyes are so full of life as she sips her coffee. Her ever so inviting lips as she smiles at her baby sister. The way her bodysuit hugs her curves as she prepares to go to gym. You know, the whole package.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if you had a way of knowing where she was without having to follow her everywhere?

a stalker's dream!

The Maraauder's Map is an excellent tool for every stalker, but what if there was a way you could watch your stalkee without having to follow them around? I'm talking, of course, about polyjuice potion. With polyjuice potion you could just look at your crush's body as bare as the day she was born without any need of actually getting her to date you. Sounds disturbing, doesn't it? It gets worse in two words: Revenge porn! Imagine you're my good friend Ahmed who was caught cheating on his fiance. She could just use some of Ahmed's hair to become Ahmed and make a scandalous video to ruin Ahmed's hard-earned reputation.

dammit, ginny! how many times do i have to tell you that it's cho in that picture?

Here's an even more disturbing caveat to the polyjuice potion brewing business. What if you needed a hair of the person you wanted to turn into and the only hair on his body was his anal pubes?

[I know you Potterheads are thinking I made a goof here. I'm aware that we can use any bit of the person we wanted to turn into when using polyjuice potion. But I really wanted to make you cringe at the thought of drinking the essence of someone's ass hair.]

3. We'll bring more to the supremacist movement

If there's one thing we are good at, it's being pompous assholes. The kindest thing we do for our fellow human is letting them know if the headlight of their cycle is on during the day. That's it! It's because we love to look down on others based on their skin color, family, island, political views, religious views, wealth, and well, anything that we can pull off to show we are superior to them. In fact, I would go as far as to say our xenophobia will make the Malfoys seem like baby unicorns. Factor into this the pure-blood supremacy movement in the Harry Potter world.  Not to mention the way most wizards feel about other magical creatures, and the way they treat their own who are cursed into becoming a werewolf. We all remember the hysteria when the parents of Hogwarts students found out that Lupin was a werewolf. And these are the good guys! So all we need is a dash of our supremacy feuds to fuel this already volatile magical world.

mmm mmmmmmm i can really taste the tears

Let's not forget all the shit the wizards and witches already had to contend with during the Goblin Rebellions of 1612 as a result of the discrimination against our grumpy friends. Add to this all the discrimination we are bringing to this game and I'll go out on a limb and say we'll have nifflers rebelling against us in no time. And they're like at the bottom of the wizard food chain beneath Neville Longbottom's toad Trevor!

4. A know-it-all but not a do-it-all

During our (in)significant life in this world, we all come across at least one person who is a know-it-all. They're pesky at times. They butt in when not invited. Worst of all: they have an answer to everything. Do we know someone like that in Potterverse?

But to be fair to Hermione, she does actually know what the fuck she's talking about. On top of that, she doesn't back down when it comes to practicing what she preached. Still, it doesn't change the fact that she knows everything and makes you feel as useless as nipples on the Batsuit.

Think of how you would feel if everyone around you was like her. That, my kind and unkind readers, is what we offer, albeit with a minute difference; unlike our bushy-haired heroine and the champion of the Muggle feminist movement, we don't know shit! We are all full of hot air and criticize and comment as if we know everything when tragedy strikes, but do nothing to prevent a crisis or to help anyone.

ignorance is truly bliss

5. Say bye bye to the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy

The magical community came up with this law in 1689 in fear of persecution by Muggles, who are notoriously famous for being scared of anything they cannot understand. In this regard, magic meets the criteria right beside math! I bet...all it would take for this 300 plus years old secret to be exposed is a day, give or take a few hours, if we have magical folks in the Maldives.

Why? Because we're second to none at gossiping.

That's correct! We love talking about others. It necessarily doesn't even have to be juicy (the juicier the better though). So yeah, we are big on talking and spreading rumors regardless of consequences. If I am to make a guess, I'll say we'll end up using curses to make sure people who rat us out are stopped or at the least, identifiable.

better get used to this quickly

6. We'll learn about the power of love

For the uninitiated, the above watchful wand wielding warmhearted witty warlock is the Undisputed Flamboyant Wizarding Champion of the World and Defender of Muggles Albus "The Professor" Dumbledore, Headmaster Extraordinaire at Large of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And if there's one thing Professor D. insists, it's that the most powerful of magic is love. While I don't know enough magic to counter his point, it's remarkable that he was able to bring about the very end of the baddest of all wizards: Lord Voldemort.

enough power to achieve immortality and voldy was stupid enough to not see this coming back to bite his dark tush??!!

In short, Dumbledore emotionally blackmailed Snape, champ of every one in the friend-zone, to turn on the aforementioned Dark Lord and help a tween, aka the fruit of the loins of Snape's sweetheart and his nemesis, complete the job. Not to mention that Dumbledore was...fight the feels...FIGHT THE FEELS!!...when Dumbledore was...was...dead...for a whole year while Harry Potter took the battle to the big V. If that's not powerful magic, I don't know what is.

7. You can be a complete dick and still be a hero

How nice would it be if we could be ourselves and still be a hero? One of our favorite characters from Harry Potter did just that! In short, Severus Snape pissed on Uncle Ben. He not only duped the Dark Lord, but did it while making a life living hell for the hero who was destined to slay him. Every single reader hated Snape with a vengeance until the very last minute, even more than Lord Voldy. I'd say only Dolores Umbridge could trump Snape.

...and this is the closest i've gotten to boning her

The question is, how is this helpful to us Maldivians? For starters, we wouldn't think twice about befriending an enemy if it would cause the downfall of another. Just look at the alliances in the political arena. Heck, look at your own family for crying out loud. There'll be all those arguments and whatnot, but out of nowhere, everything is forgotten and they suddenly have more affection for each other than Dobby had for mismatched socks!

To sum up, it seems that living in a magical world would be interesting as hell but at the end of all things, it'll only bring out the best and the worst in us. I guess...on second thought, maybe magic might teach us a thing or two about becoming better people; if only we knew where to look.

until then, have fun hexing each other!

Adios...

the coconut: the desolation of an unexpected journey to there and back

Prologue:

It began long ago in a land far away to the east, the like of which you will not find in the world today. There was the city of Male, its markets known far and wide, full of the bounties of vine and vale, peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-Earth: Mordis, stronghold of Namaari, King of the Sea and mightiest of the Kraken-Lords. Namaari ruled with utter surety, never doubting his house would endure, for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson.

Ah, Usef...Male'! (pronounced Yoosef) From deep within the ocean itself, the beauty of this island city was legend. Its wealth lay in the ocean in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone. The skill of the Krakens was unequaled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of corals, fish bones, rock, and sand. Ever they delved deep, down into the dark and that is where they found it, the Heart of the Ocean...the Tuna. Namaari named it the King's Jewel, he took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was divine. All would pay homage to him, even the great Human King Bod Umanzar (pronounced Bodh Umaanzar). But the years of peace and plenty was not to last. Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in. Namaari's love of tuna grown too fierce and sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow...

Chapter 1:

It was a day like any other in the lands of Mordis. The sky was azure blue, the ocean dark blue, the sun an orangish-blue, you get the picture. The gulls sang their jubilant songs as the waves washed ashore broken corals, dead leaves and branches, and a coconut covered with seaweed; an ancient sign of things to come. The fisher folk of this small village set about with their daily musings paying no heed to what the waves washed upon the shores. The folks of Mordis were simple and did not care about the goings-on in Middle Earth or about ancient signs. They were a proud bunch of people and prefer their quiet lives. Little did they know, that the forthcoming days would be different. In fact it would be very different, for a man from foreign lands was going to join them tonight for supper. No one knows who or where this stranger came from. Dressed in a white cloak, carrying a bag and unarmed save for his walking staff, the alien stood at the piers as the folks returned with their catch. Traces of white were seen on an otherwise shiny and well-groomed beard. The cloaked figure had a small frame to him and though the hood of the cloak prevented the curious villagers from having a good look, it did not prevent them from seeing the wrinkles of age on the man's face. There was an eerie feeling about him, aided even more by the darkening world as the sun set. Nonetheless, the man had an aura that demanded attention and respect.

"May we help you, old man?", asked one person. Everyone held their breath, and for mere seconds, time froze a little as they wished beyond their wildest dreams that the stranger would understand the local tongue.

"I ask for nothing but bread and mead, and a bosom should you have a pair or two to spare," the man's voice was soft and withdrawn, as mysterious as his appearance.

"Aye, you don't even have to ask. You must be new here, Mordis folks are well-known for their hospitality. We'll be happy to provide you with guest rights," the relief was evident in the village smith's voice. He continued, "...but what is this bosom you speak of?"

This caught the old man off guard for a moment but was quick to regain his composure. "Never mind lads, your guest rites are good enough for a tired traveler in a foreign land."

"Old man, you will have the finest bread we eat and the sweetest wine we drink for as long as you wish to stay with us...," another villager chimed in. There were nods of agreement over the crowd that gathered. Some of the women and the children had now joined to see the commotion.

"That is very kind of you, villagers. You have already given me more than a stranger could ask for," and the old man took off his hood, "But please, call me Acyof (pronounced Achiof). And Lo! I beg of you, why are your females not covering their bodies waist up?"

Even in the midst of the exchange and the sincere concern in his eyes, the crowd got a good look at this strange human. Not only did he ask for unknown gifts from simple fisher folk, he began questioning the appearance of the village females. A normal sane person would have recoiled in horror at this intrusion by a complete stranger, but Alas, not the folks of Mordis, who were neither normal nor sane. They were the children of the sea. They were of salt and tuna.

As the crowd murmured amongst themselves, unable to reason why the women bared their chests, an elderly man walked up to them. Dressed in an old black cloak, white shoulder length hair and a grey beard that was in disarray. Acyof could safely guess this old man was the village Elder as the crowd parted part to let the old man through. The newcomer walked slowly with the aid of a walking staff, each step threatening to give his knees away under the weight.

"Good morrow, Acyof. I am the village Elder, Heebi Jeebis," Heebi Jeebis smiled at Acyof and extended his hand.

"My heartfelt thanks to you, Elder Heebi Jeebis," Acyof took the Elder's bony hand and shook it. Acyof noted that as old as Heebi Jeebis was, he had a strong grip.

"I open my house for you and it would bring great honor on House Jeebis to provide you with all your needs."

With that, Heebi Jeebis turned around and walked away from the shore and onward to the busy streets. Acyof followed close behind to his new home.

The coconut, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen.

Chapter 5:

Acyof woke up in the middle of the night. It took him a while to realize he has been asleep for some time. The bedside lantern had gone out sometime after he slept and since the moon had set, it was pitch black. Acyof was staring into the darkness wondering why he woke up suddenly when he heard a soft tapping outside. Someone was there. The tapping was steady. Same interval between each tap. Not getting loud either. Cautious, with nothing but his trustworthy walking staff in hand, Acyof slowly walked out of the back door. And there he saw it!

A shadow was lurking in the corner, facing the wall. Its arms were moving back and forth. Thinking it must be a bandit after his money, Acyof wasted no time. He swung the staff at the mysterious figure, all his strength behind the blow. THUD!!! The figure collapsed onto the ground. Startled.

"SPEAK YOUR NAME, BRUTE, BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A SEAXAN!"

What happened next shocked Acyof. The mystery man started crying loudly. Throughout his life as a traveler, he had never seen a grown man breakdown in front of him and start crying this way.

"Oh come on! It was a jape. I do not know magic," Acyof tried to reassure the wailing man before him.

"I'm very sorry Ser, Acyof," the man said in between sobs. "I was just performing my nightly ritual and..."

Acyof's eyes widened as the realization hit him. "You what, you filthy creature? I should beat you up for this! I don't care what your reason is," Acyof raised his staff threateningly.

"No no. This is not what it seems," the man was on his knees now. "I was going to the toilet and I could not undo the knot on my robe," I was fiddling with it when you knocked me to the ground, Ser. Please don't turn me into no Seaxan. I beg of you!" And with that, the man broke again into hysterical sobs.

"Fear not my strange friend. I would not hurt a single hair of your body."

The scared man got to his feet and shaking the sand off his elbow looked at Acyof and gave a toothy grin, "I am Usel Ess Idiot (pronounced Yoosel As Eediyoth) the..."

"...let me guess, the village fool?" Acyof interrupted.

"Yes! You are so smart, Ser."

"Please, call me Acyof. Nice to meet you Usel," Acyof exclaimed and shook the hand of his newly found fool of a friend.

The unlikely friends laughed out loud while they reenacted the scene of their meeting when the first rooster doodled its cock.

Chapter 17:

Acyof returned home that night after hanging out with his friend Usel. The scene that greeted him would have taken the heart of him, "My friends, your faces take the heart of me. You must tell me what is wrong."

Heebi Jeebis took Acyof aside and whispered in his year, "My daughter, my little Dhaleyka, has been taken as a sacrifice to the sea monster," tears were falling from Heebi Jeebis' eyes as he told of what happened. "On each full moon we have to pick one virgin from the village and send her as a sacrifice to the sea monster. We leave her at the Great Temple in Male. This way, the sea monster spares the people of Mordis until the next full moon."

"No need to worry, my good friend Heebi Jeebis!" Acyof took the Elder's hand in his. "I will save your daughter. I vow on my flamboyant beard that I will."

"Why would you do such a thing for a complete stranger?" Heebi Jeebis could not believe his ears.

At this, Acyof smiled, his eyes full of life and whispered, "For what is a man who cannot help his fellow man but the man who brings a smile to others?"

Heebi Jeebis' face lit up. "May your children be wise and rule the worlds!"

"Please make sure my words about helping our fellow men reach my children. Let these words be my legacy." Acyof had a distant look in his eyes. Acyof has already began to suspect in his heart that this quest would cost him his life.

"But Acyof, it was only figurative speech. You have no children."

"I know, but you will see them soon enough, my Lord," Acyof said with a wink, "I must hasten for there is little time till the full moon rises."

Heebi Jeebis looked on as Acyof turned and left the house, with his walking staff in hand. The black cloak danced in the wind. Echoing the moods of all around him. "Farewell, my friend. May the Gods be with you," Heebi Jeebis prayed as he looked up to the heavens.

Chapter 39:

(After a long journey through the mountains and under the sea with Usel...)

Acyof ran into the mausoleum and saw Dhaleyka lying on the sacrificial stone, naked as the day she was born, crying softly. Acyof walked slowly towards the sacrificial mound. Monster or no monster, Acyof knew that no woman deserved such a fate. Everything was in slow motion now. Acyof could hear his heart skip a few beats as he finally reached the stairs to the stone table. Acyof knew what he would see before he even took the steps. Acyof took off his cloak and took in the full form of the beautiful Dhaleyka before him as he got close and raised his cloak to cover her. Outside, the waves were crashing on the break water, joyous and full of glee under the shimmering moonlight.

Chapter 70:

Acyof stepped back after he covered Dhaleyka. "Fear not my lady. My good friend Usel will take you to safety."

With that Acyof sat on the table as he saw Dhaleyka meet with Usel at the door of the mausoleum. Without as much as a backward glance, they were gone. A few minutes after they left, Acyof heard footsteps. It was not as loud as he expected. When the would be monster appeared, Acyof cried out in disbelief. It was King Namaari!

"What in the Light's name is this?!" Acyof exclaimed. "Your majesty, have you been raping and killing the virgins by using the guise of a sea monster?"

"What the deuce? Why is a man here? Guards! GUARDS!!" King Namaari was beyond bewilderment.

"Your Kingsguard won't save you tonight my Lord," Acyof said grabbing his walking staff as the Kingsguard surrounded him, swords in hand.

Chapter 94:

(After a hard-fought and long climactic battle...)

"Have mercy....," King Namaari cried. He was sweating profusely as the realization hit him that all his guards have been slain by the awesome and handsome hero.

"Fear me not my King, for I will not kill you."

"But why..? Why spare me, stranger? Kill me and at least save my face in front of my people. Let me die an honorable death" The mighty Namaari, the Lord of the Oceans, the holder of the Tuna, was on his hands and knees.

"Embrace the Light, my King. That's all I ask of you. And spread the Light to the people. And base everything you do on the Light, for now and forever!" Acyof walked close to the King and knelt down. "My King, tell the people that I fought with the monster valiantly and killed it despite taking a great many wounds. Tell the people my body was lost into the sea. The people need you as their King."

Tears were rolling down King Namaari's royal cheeks as he nodded.

"My Royal Lord, please tell Heebi Jeebis to travel to the lands of his father, Bod Umanzar and to study magic, for a day might come Middle Earth would depend on him. He knows his destiny and he cannot escape it. Maybe that was why I chanced to be in Mordis to begin with. My Liege, ask Dhaleyka to take care of my child and as my last request, ask Usel to find me."

King Namaari looked gravely as he weighed the requests. "If only it was under other conditions, in another time, on another night, I would have made you the Hand of the King, Acyof. Fear not, I shall not let the people of Mordis fall. I will lead our people to the Light."

"Our people. Our people my Lord...And I would have followed you, my brother...my captain...my king." Acyof got up and walked away, his black cloak flapping in the wind. And he walked into the darkness beyond the mausoleum.

"What...what shall I tell the people the monster was?" The king said to himself.

"Rannamaari, my Lord....so that no one would suspect you...," Acyof's last words echoed as he disappeared into the night, never to be seen or heard of again.

Far away from Mordis, by the banks of a river, a coconut washes ashore, covered with barnacles and moss.

Epilogue:

Centuries have passed since the fateful night at Male and Mordis embraced the Light.

In the Royal Palace, within the confines of a filthy dungeon, the great great great grand daughter of Dhaleyka, plans to murder her second husband and ascend to the Throne of Mordis.

Out in the jungles of the forests of Bhārat, Usel Ess Idiot the Sixth looks for his great great great grandfather's best friend's heir along with his friend Thakur, whose family, unbeknownst to either of them, would one day play a pivotal role in saving Mordis from the Eagles of the Ocean.

Somewhere in a secret place, far beyond the peering eyes of all living things, nineteen hooded figures huddle around a fire. A twentieth figure joins them. Dressed in an old grey cloak, white shoulder length hair and a grey beard that was in disarray. The hooded figures part to let the old man through. The newcomer walks slowly with the aid of a walking staff, each step threatening to give his knees away under the weight. "It is good to see you all here once again, friends. Let us start shall we?" Heebi Jeebis the Grey whispers.

And far beyond the forests and the mountains of Middle Earth, far beneath the deepest depths of the oceans, a dark power awakens...

THE END

presidential vows: a dialogue

Now that 2012 is almost over and a new year lurks around the corners, people have started to make up new year resolutions they will never fulfill. Not to mention, the presidential elections next year and the revolutionary warfare launched by the opposition. So while politicians have started making their promises and vows to please the masses, I had a little chat with an acquaintance of mine who has a newly vested interested in politics: I present to you Shampire.

Me: Hello again my dear friend.
Shampire: May peace be with you and you are not my friend.
Me: Good to see you're doing well.
Shampire: So why did you drag me into this hideous excuse of a place you call a home?
Me: A man's home is his castle, they say.
Shampire: They are wrong. And you suck.
Me: Moving on. I hear you're interested in politics?
Shampire: You know what they say: if you want to get something done right...
Me: ...you got to do it on your own.
Shampire: No, you fool! You bribe and fool people to make them do your dirty work.
Me: ........
Shampire: Wipe that annoying look off of your face.
Me: But that's so wrong.
Shampire: Have we not met?
Me: I rest my case... So you want to become the President?
Shampire: Of course not, silly boy! I want eternal salvation and everything that comes with it. Presidency is just the means to spread my message.
Me: This message you speak of...how do you plan on getting elected?
Shampire: What kind of a question is that? By killing the incumbent of course!
Me: No no! You have to get elected by a vote.
Shampire: What? That's the infidels' way. Why can't we just have a duel and let the winner have the spoils?
Me: Because, this is the 21st century and because the people decide now.
Shampire: You and your nonsense ways! So what do I do to win this vote you speak of?
Me: You campaign and you make promises and such so that the people will vote for the best candidate.
Shampire: You are saying that I just make up cock and bull stories for people to believe?
Me: Not really. You  have to deliver on your promises and...Oh forget it. Yes that's what you do.
Shampire: That sounds very doable. Better than a duel I say.
Me: Of course! Who else can lie better than you?
Shampire: What was that?
Me: Nothing.
Shampire: So how do I deliver my promises to the people?
Me: Advertise, speeches, put it on the web. Here are the vows I made if I were to become the President.
Shampire: VAAV THAA FAAF???!! That list of trash is your vows?
Me: I wouldn't call it trash... And vaav thaa faaf? Please translate.
Shampire: Ya Allah! Haaza al-rajl jaahil al akbar! It means WTF, and I call it as I see it. Yours is a recipe for disaster and a one-way ticket to Hell!
Me: Excuse me?
Shampire: Just look at this. You even promised to torture men who lay with young girls. Torture!
Me: That's because rapists and pedophiles deserve it. I wish I could torture them till death and bring them back to life.
Shampire: You have indeed lost the righteous path, my son. It is Satan's fault that men are that way.
Me: Are you suggesting that they roam free?
Shampire: I am saying that it is Satan's fault and YOUR infidel Constitution says an innocent man cannot be prosecuted.
Me: Alright. Tell me what you promise the people of Maldives.
Shampire: I will run as the candidate of Adhaalath Party. They seem to have the best sense among you idiots and they will embrace me as their messiah.
Me: You got that right. They are a bunch of hot-headed pansy girls.
Shampire: How dare you compare God's chosen to such low creatures!
Me: You are charming.
Shampire: Eh?
Me: Since we are comparing genders, how do you plan to tackle equal opportunity?
Shampire: First and foremost, I will enforce equal opportunity.
Me: Wow! I am impressed. Never knew you were the type to conform to such things.
Shampire: I know! Since all females regardless of age have to wear veil under my rule, I am going to open the opportunity for all males to wear the veil as well. See? I am beating the infidels at their own game!
Me: Quite clever, I must say. What will your policies be on the education system?
Shampire: I will integrate animal husbandry into the education system. Before you open that filthy mouth of yours, I want to alienate Maldives. I will close the country to money from the infidels and only our Muslim brethren can help us. I will...
Me: Sorry to cut you off but I get the feeling that you're suggesting that we start animal farming. Is that your fiscal policy?
Shampire: Yes I am. We are going to herd sheep and goats and cows. Our children, male of course, will learn the hairy arts and will prosper in the coming generations.
Me: That is indeed a hairy subject but I guess we have to come up with some way to sustain ourselves after we oust every investor in the country. So what about taxes?
Shampire: I am not a believer in taxation. I see no reason why a man must pay to live in his own house.
Me: This is good news!
Shampire: But...
Me: There is always a but..
Shampire: I will impose a coitus tax.
Me; A coitus what?!!
Shampire: A coitus tax, you deaf baboon!
Me: Could you please explain?
Shampire: As you know, or God forbid, you should know, fornication is a deadly sin. Therefore the Almighty has paved us the way for women to have sex without eternal damnation.
Me: And?
Shampire: And by allowing a man to marry four women, he is ultimately saving the four females from the fires of Hell. If you ask me, that kind of kindness should be appreciated. What better way to show one's gratitude than by paying a small token of appreciation for their deliverance.
Me: So all in all, you're making the women pay a tax because they get to use the dong of their husbands? Isn't that rather one-sided?
Shampire: It is not one-sided! Anyway, who is running for presidency? Me or you? I am levying the coitus tax because it is the only way for the women to know the cost of deliverance.
Me: You think this dong tax will make women want to marry?
Shampire: Think of it this way. If they do not marry and fornicate, I can flog and stone them in public. Then again I will make marriage mandatory for all women who have come of age.
Me: Speaking of punishments, how will you run the judiciary? Will you uphold the Sharia?
Shampire: Yes I will! I will uphold the Rule of God to the last breath. I have zero tolerance for wrongdoers. Especially sinners. During my presidency, if someone is found guilty of a sin, they will be punished severely in public. No allowances will be given to sex or age.

with Presidents like these, who needs dictators?

Me: But what if it's a young person. I have the perfect scenario. What if a little girl gets raped?
Shampire: You fool! Little girls do not get raped. And yes, she will be flogged severely until she seeks salvation.
Me: But we are talking about rape! As you'd say, fornication without consent!!
Shampire: Consent nonsense! Do I look like I give a, as you humans say, shit? Yes, the girl will be flogged as a lesson and a warning for the rest of the kind.
Me: Then what about the man?
Shampire: See? This is why we cannot get along very well. You always worry about what to do with the man. I think that you have something against men. Were you hurt by a man in your life? Because I see that you are very personal when it comes to these things. You always find a way to hurt men. Ways to punish them. It is very unfair and uncalled for. Not to mention very sexist!
Me: Oh my. And how is that any different from what you are doing, your Holiness?
Shampire: The point is, as I said earlier, Satan is the one to blame. It is not man's fault that he errs. Satan makes man want to commit atrocious sins and the women are the means.
Me: Let us talk about some other subject. Do you have any developmental plans? How will you strengthen the republic?
Shampire: Lord be praised! That is a lot to answer and I am short on time. I am sure you would understand.
Me: Alright then. Good luck in the coming elections though I am not sure if I want you to win.
Shampire: Of course you would not. You are an extremely laadheenee person.
Me: Now that I can understand. Fare thee well, my friend.
Shampire: May God have mercy on you and for the umpteenth time: I am not your friend! Shampire has no friends! I am off and do not bother me unless to repent. No. Forget that. Do not bother me at all!
Me: Guess I can never have a conversation without pissing him off. Until next time, Adios...

lord of the beards: the fellowship of the return of the king to two towers

Prologue:

It began with the grooming of the Great Beards. Three were given to the Cockroaches; immortal, meanest, and scariest of all beings. Seven, to the Ants, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine beards were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these beards was bound the strength and the will to govern over each race through deception.

But they were all of them deceived, for a new beard was groomed. In the isle of Maldive, in the waters of Maldive Island, the Dark Lord Mullah groomed in secret, a master beard, to control all others. And into this beard he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. And as he groomed, he spoke the words feared by all kinds: "Ash fang durbatulûk, ash fang gimbatul, Ash fang thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul." Never spoken in the language of Maldive Island by mortals, the words mean: "One beard to rule them all, one beard to find them, One beard to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."

Though much feared and nearly invincible, Middle Earth took the fight to the Dark Lord in one final attempt and kicked the Dark Lord's ass Chuck Norris style! Sadly, the weakness of mankind prevented the champion of Middle Earth, Bod Umanzar (pronounced Bodh Umaanzaar) from destroying the One Beard in the waters of Maldive Island. Instead the noble hero, in his weakness, bent to his manly temptations and wore the beard. Victorious and full of pride, the Beard corrupted him and in the end, led to his destruction. The Beard, meanwhile, vanished.

Years passed. History turned to legend, legend to tales and something that should not have been left without grooming was lost...

Chapter 1:

Our story begins on a dark night in a dark place where a dark man awaits with a dark purpose... Usef Ul Idiot (prnounced Yoosef Al Eediyoth), as he was called by the village folks, was getting ready to poop. The day was normal thus far but unknown to him, there would come a day when the fate of the world would rest on the broad shoulders of this fierce, handsome, and super-cool young man.

After a quick breakfast of bodu biskoadhu (a local delicacy) and black tea, Usef went to see his good friend Leg Acyof Pain (pronounced Leg Achiof Paeen) and together they set off on an adventure into the wild forest of Suckingham: they were outlaws and robbed the corrupt parliamentarians to feed the wildlings. When a poor wildling asked why they risked their necks for some poor wildlings, our fearless and handsome heroes replied, "For what is a man who cannot help his fellow man but the man who brings a smile to others?" And thus, our heroes, cunning and proud outcasts of Suckingham Forest continued their exploitation until one fateful day.

Chapter 2:

Our dazzling heroes came across a little girl who was crying all by herself. Her eyes were red and her clothes were torn and covered in red. Fearing the worst, a very concerned Acyof asked, "What happened little girl?"

The girl replied between sobs, "this.. sparkly looking thing.. it made.. it made me..." the girl's voice trailed off as she broke down crying.

"Mention not what you did my dear girl," Usef bellowed. "For I will ensure that he dies by my sword!"

"STOP!" The girl's scream startled Usef and Acyof. "Are you both stupid? He didn't rape me. He spilled a bottle of ketchup all over my new Justin Bieber veil."

Startled, our heroes looked at the young girl. Acyof looked at Usef in despair. Usef looked back, his face grim, and nodded. They knew what had to be done. It wasn't going to be pretty but they were bound by their vows. The little girl realized the tone of her would-be heroes have changed. She looked from one to the other as they raised their weapons with menace in their eyes.

"Oh Shit!" She thought to herself. "Now I'm going to die."

Swords raised, Usef and Acyof stared at the girl menacingly. Both muttered in unison, "We are sorry little girl. You leave us no choice." The little girl closed her eyes, and waited for  the sword to cut off her head.

And the two heroes burst out laughing! "BWAHAHAHAHA! You wear a Justin Bieber veil? May the Light blind you!" Acyof laughed his head off as Usef fell to the ground in laughter. The little girl, bewildered and confused, said in a hurt voice, "You are mean people."

"I'm sorry little girl. But..." Usef trailed off in laughter as he tried to explain.

"What my accomplice Usef is trying to say is," Acyof attempted to help his friend, "that you're stoopid. Not stupid but stoopid!"

The little girl, tears running down her cheeks turned around and stormed off as Usef and Acyof's laughter followed her and into the distance.

"Hey little girl," Acyof called after her, "Don't forget your glitter purple lipstick!"

Chapter 7:

It was dark and Usef looked around. He could make out the shape of a human in the distance. Sword in hand, Usef approached with caution. "Acyof, is that you?" He called. There was no reply. Usef approached with great caution, not the least bit scared as if challenging the Light to the ultimate strength. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a shadow jumped at him. He did not scream like a little girl, but scream he did! It was a cockroach and not just any but a Beard Bearer.

"May the Light be with you." Usef said as he stepped back and dropped to his right knee in respect. He stared in awe as a being from out of the legends stood before him. "Forgive me my Lord, I did not..."

Usef's apology was cut short by the scream of a young girl. Or so he thought. When he looked up, he saw that Acyof had stabbed the Cockroach Lord from behind.

"For a Cockroach Lord, he screamed like a girl." Acyof remarked as he cleaned his sword. He looked around for Usef because he didn't get a reply.

"Do you know what we have here?" Usef said looking up holding something furry in his hand. "We now have a Beard of Power."

Chapter 17:

Months have passed since our resourceful heroes acquired the Beard of Power. As they continued their exploits in Suckhingham Forest, an unforgiving scene befell them: there were people crying over a dead boy. Concerned, our faithful heroes approached the grim site and said, "May the Light be with you."

"Will it?" A woman sitting near the dead boy, most likely his mother, spat at them. "The Light took him away from us with the incurable Measles."

Startled, Acyof exclaimed, "What the...? Measles? Kind woman, this is the seventh freaking century! They have vaccines." The glum woman looked at our tanned hero with agony and said, "The Beard Rider of this district decreed that the Light has forbidden vaccination."

"WHAT?" Our heroes said in unison. "What's his name? Where is he?" Usef inquired.

"Over there," the woman replied pointing to Two Towers in the distance. "His name is..." the woman's shudder was enough to understand the atrocities committed by this evil Beard Rider. ".. he is.. Lord Farumaan.. Please avenge my dear son's death.."

One Epic Battle Later...

"We sure did show that Beard Rider Farumaan eh?" Acyof remarked.

"We sure did old friend." Usef could not help but admire his brave friend who never gave up in a fight.

"So what's next?" Acyof inquired.

This was what Usef was afraid of. Acyof gets too excited after battles. "I think..." What ever Acyof wanted to say was lost as an old man in a white robe fell from the skies with a loud THUD!

"Holy..." Usef's short and sweet curse was cut even shorter when he realized it was a wizard.

"Fear not for I come in peace!" The old man bellowed.

"And who might you be?" Usef and Ascyof asked very coolly at the same time.

"I am Heebi Jeebees the rightful heir of Bod Umanzar. Do you realize that what you have is the One Beard?"

"Really?"

"Yes, and you both have to go and destroy it." Heebi Jeebees explained.

"But how?" Our heroes were confused but excited.

"Let us form a Fellowship and take the One Beard to the Maldive Island and destroy it in the very waters that it was groomed in.We have to hurry. There is little time left to waste. The Dark Lord Mullah grows in strength and will return if not stopped."

Chapter 29:

The Fellowship arrived at the coast of Maldive Island. The shores were guarded by creatures in robes. Heebi Jeebees explained that they were Shampires, Sheikhs who pledged loyalty to the Dark Lord Mullah and gained immortality. They were the most vile and cunning creatures one could find on Middle Earth.

"Well," Acyof started, "I can kill them with my Middle Finger."

Heebi Jeebees rolled his eye in despair as the two paladins joked, unaware of the grave task at hand. "Be careful. Shampires carry long wooden sticks, the Stick of Karma, which had powers that no human could comprehend." Heebi Jeebees warned.

"Shall we do the honors?"

(One epic climatic battle ensues)

Chapter 71:

"Wow! Did you see me cut that Shampire in half... by waving my staff?" Heebi Jeebees exclaimed merrily.

"Pffft! Showoff.." Acyof wasn't very keen on the idea that a wizard could just kill someone so easily. He had issues with magic.

"Well, here we are. The waters of Maldive at last!" Usef was glad to have finally come to the end of all things. He wanted nothing more than to go back to Suckhingham Forrest and kick-start their lives as outlaws. As Usef walked to the shores of Maldive Island, ready to part with the One Beard, he looked back at the Fellowship: A wizard and his friend. He looked at the One Beard one last time and threw it into the waters of Maldive Island.

Usef, Acyof, and Heebi Jeebees turned back and walked away from the shore. They were a hundred steps away when a loud and terrifying wail filled the air. "MY PLEASURES!" And a short deformed man who looked like death himself ran towards the shore.

"In the name of the Light! What is that thing?" Acyof wondered out loud.

"It or rather he was a human just like you two. He was corrupted by the power of the One Beard. The One Beard destroyed him eventually and turned him into a Follum." Heebi Jeebees explained as they watched the wretched creature jump into the waters of Maldive Island... to its very imminent death.

Heebi Jeebees said subtly, "Farewell, my brave paladins. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil." With that Heebi Jeebees turned and headed towards the Two Towers where his rightful throne awaited him.

Epilogue:

Lord Mullah and his Army of Shampires have been defeated and the rightful heir of Bod Umanzar, Heebi Jeebees, prepares to ascend the throne of the Two Towers. Acyof and Usef, upon the completion of their quest, returned to their village. The Beards were once again in good hands and the good king Heebi Jeebees ruled Middle Earth with justice and empathy. And thus ends the Sixth Age of Middle Earth and upon the return of the King, the Seventh Age of Middle Earth began. An age that would be remembered for centuries to come for its prosperity and the epicness that the Fellowship of the Beard brought.

~THE END~

shampire diaries

Here ye here ye! Men and Women of all shapes and sizes. Please gather around for I have a story to tell ye: Tonight I continue my escapades with our good friend Shamp the shampire. If you don't know him/her/it already, please feel free to read part 1, part 2, and part 3. He's dead you ask? Apparantly he is not so dead after all. Let us see what our not-so-dead friend has to say...

caption deleted for fear of mortal damage to the writer

Me: *stares at Shampire*
Shampire: Staring is rude. Didn't your mother teach you any manners boy?
Me: *continues to stare at Shampire*
Shampire: From where I come from we say 'hello'
Me: Nether realm? Hello.
Shampire: That's better. Wait... what?
Me: Nevermind that. Why or rather, how are you here? Am I dreaming? You were dead. I even wrote a small prayer on your tombstone.
Shampire: So it was you who wrote that worthless piece of shit huh?
Me: Hey, Snowhite called. She's missing one of her dwarfs.
Shampire: What? err... What? You continue to speak in riddles human.
Me: You were angry about the writing on your tombstone and you're always angry. Hence Grumpy.
Shampire: What? Really.. what?
Me: Sheesh man! Grumpy the dwarf from Snowhite and the seven dwarfs.
Shampire: LAAM VAAV LAAM! good one. Sorry it took me a while to get the joke.
Me: Pffft! It's not a joke anymore after I explained the whole thing to you. You really don't get sarcasm at all. Anyways.. tell me, what happened? I was at your funeral. Though between you and me, there was no one else. You don't have any friends?
Shampire: You stupid excuse for a human. What don't you understand about the word 'undead'?
Me: Aaaah. So you DO have the undeadness of a real vampire.
Shampire: Pffft! Vampire my holy butt! Not the vampires you see these days. It's a shame to be even associated with the kind. The humans have stopped fearing us due to the mainstreamness of today's vampires.
Me: Yes your holiness. You get vampires like Dracula and shit back in the day and today we have Edward.. *shudders*
Shampire: SEEN MEEM HAA
Me: Eh?
Shampire: Oh yes. You don't understand Al Lugath Al Arabiyya or language of the Shampires. It means "Shakes My Head" in the common tongue.
Me: Aaaah I see. I'm right there with you. Anyway, so you were raised from the dead?
Shampire: Well, I was deadish. But then I went to the underworld and met Hades and yes, he is true. But you'll never guess what I found out when I died-ish.
Me: Tell me!
Shampire: Remember the whole 72 virgins I was preaching?
Me: How could I forget. I asked to bed your daughter.
Shampire: Yes you did! So apparantly the 72 virgins aren't really the whole story.
Me: You don't say...
Shampire: Yes I do say. Wait.. was that sarcasm?
Me: Yes it was. There is still hope for you.
Shampire: Foolish human! I need no hope. You do!
Me: Ok here we go again. So you met Hades sans the 72 virgins. What happened next?
Shampire: Well, it seems we have been fooled by this whole 72 virgins old wives' tale. One can't just kill a bunch of innocents and expect to bed 72 beautiful hotties.
Me: You don't say...
Shampire: Bill Lawrence called! He wants his idea of repeating the same jokes back.
Me: Ouch! You're learning fast. And how in the hell did you find out about Scrubs?
Shampire: Just like you said: in hell. Part of the eternal damnation was watching re-runs of hipster movies and good shows that went mainstream.
Me: Does that mean you had to watch Tw...
Shampire: STOP! Don't you utter the name!!
Me: That bad huh?
Shampire: I made it only halfway through the opening credits of that which must not be named and pleaded with Hades to send me back for a second chance.
Me: Aaah.. that makes sense now.
Shampire: It does? But you don't believe in those things and it's incomprehensible for humans.
Me: I must admit, having known you for a while, I get a feel for what you say.
Shampire: Alright. So tell me something you miserable human.
Me: Such love... I'm touched.
Shampire: What the hell is wrong with your kind?
Me: My kind? Humans?
Shampire:No! Not humans. Well, technically humans, but I meant your kin. The people from your country!
Me: You should have asked what was right with them. Would've saved a lot of time and ones and zeroes.
Shampire: Ones and zeroes?
Me: Yes. I have to type this whole thing and it's being processed as binaries in machine code in terms of ones and zeroes by our computers.
Shampire: Show off! You could have just said so instead of acting spooky and mysterious.
Me: Hey! I didn't say anything when you had your stick of karma, almost died, died and returned.
Shampire: Save your whining for someone else human.
Me: Alright :-(
Shampire: So about your people. What is happening to them?
Me: Once again, you gotta be specific bro.
Shampire: Don't you bro me you insiginificant being!
Me: LOL! Sorry... I just thought of a possible euphemism if your last sentence was said by an Asian.
Shampire: You are indeed lost my son. And quite racist too!
Me: Apparantly I am.
Shampire: So your people, why is it that a person can sing his or her way to riches and fame, and then suddenly quit singing and become a cleric?
Me: That's quite a mouthful.
Shampire: There's more! Your people even believe them above the real Shampires! It's a shame!
Me: Shame would be one of the adjectives I would use.
Shampire: In all seriousness, how could one be so dumb and naive to believe some holier than thou singer cum religous scholar?
Me: I wonder the same thing your highness.
Shampire: Trust me, I am all for the harsh and extremist views that I vowed to promote... but it took me all my life to acquire Shamphood and take my vows. These lowly peasants are doing it over night.
Me: Come again... shamphood?
Shampire: No. Shamphood. With a capital 'S'.
Me: Ok. Shamphood it is. What's that?
Shampire: It's the rigorous training and rituals all Shampire-recruits have to go through.
Me: Let me ask. What do you call when a Shampire goes to number two?
Shampire: What are you getting at?
Me: Shampoo! Oh wait. Now I won't look at my shampoo bottle the same way again.
Shampire: HA! Let that be a lesson for you. I must be off now.
Me: Wait... Will I see you again?
Shampire: Only fate will tell. I'd like to pull a page out of the movie 'Dear John' and say "see you soon then?"
Me: You saw that movie?
Shampire: I can stand that movie but when it came to the movie that must remain unnamed..
Me: Which movie of the Twilight saga?
Shampire: That does it! Good Bye you bastard son of a wretched gutless monkey!
Me: Hey wait.. come back.. come on.. woeful-and-angry-as-a-motherless-goat much? oh well.. he's left. Such a grumpy yet lively fellow. I don't know when I will see him again, but I am sure he will amaze me with his stories when we meet again. Until next time, Adios...

the princess and the dragon

image courtesy of http://galefraney.wordpress.com/2008/09/15/princess-and-the-dragon-card/

Long time ago, in a faraway land, there lived a princess. She was the second child of the proud king and queen of the kingdom of Gaisha. They lost their first child, a handsome boy, long time ago and thus, the new baby seemed like their first child again. They named her Kahlan and she was very beautiful. On the day she was born, the whole kingdom was merry with joy and laughter. All the people got off from work early to decorate the entire kingdom in preparation for the birth of their future queen. Old and young alike were dancing and singing on the streets. Flags were raised everywhere and fireworks filled the night sky. The atmosphere was alive, full of happiness… enough to bring back the dead!

Suddenly, the sky went dark. All the fireworks that were going ‘BOOM’ in the sky went quiet. As the people looked around wondering what was going on, a tall man wearing a cloak as dark as night itself walked into the room. But wait, he was not touching the ground! It was as if he was walking on air. He looked around as he made his way, walking in midair, towards the throne where the king and queen sat clutching their daughter tightly. The stranger’s face was blank. It showed no emotion. Once he reached the king he said, “Oh my King.” His voice was loud. Like his face, it had no emotion. “It’s nice to see you so happy with your daughter,” he continued. “My dear King, I want your daughter. I want to raise her so that she will become my queen.” The king got very angry hearing this and yelled, “GUARDS! Arrest this man!”

All the guards in the castle came running towards the man with their swords and lances ready to kill the man who was threatening to take away their princess. But alas, the man just waved his finger and all the guards stopped moving. They were frozen in place as if being held by invisible chains. “HAHAHA,” the man laughed… his first sign of emotion. It was haunting and evil. “I am a wizard and no one can stop me my dear and foolish king.” He looked around as he said this and the people cowered under his cold and evil stare. “Give me what I want and I will not harm anyone… or else!!” His voice boomed through the whole castle. At these words, the queen broke down crying. She could not even imagine the pain of losing her baby princess. “You cannot have her… you evil man..,” she exclaimed through her sobs. The evil wizard roared with laughter and came towards the queen. “Get out of my way dear queen,” he warned. With a wave of his fingers he made the baby fly into his hand. “NOOOOO…,” the queen cried out with so much pain and sorrow but the wizard paid no attention and turned around to leave the castle. People were crying now, not knowing what would happen to them.

All of a sudden, the whole sky went bright. People covered their eyes at the light that filled the darkness that the wizard brought. When they opened their eyes, they saw a dragon flying in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing anyone ever saw. Its body was blue, pink, and green. The dragon was flapping its wings to stay and it reflected the light in all the directions bringing out a frenzy of colors. “MY NAME IS MODENA AND I AM GOING TO STOP YOU,” the dragon bellowed as it landed on the castle grounds. The wizard was suddenly struck with fear. He tried to smile at the dragon and said, “I did not mean any harm.” Modena stared at the wizard with his bright red eyes as if he didn’t believe a word the evil wizard said. The wizard sensed this and looked around quickly trying to find a way to flee with the princess.

The wizard suddenly jumped into the air and tried to fly away from the castle. Modena flapped his wings and lifted off to follow him. When the wizard sensed the dragon following him, he turned around and waved his free hand towards the dragon. Out of nowhere, chains popped out of the sky and wrapped around the dragon. Modena roared loudly and broke free and flew towards the wizard who was escaping. But wait… the chains were alive!! They were like snakes. The chains had mouths on its ends and he could hear it hiss as it chased after Modena. Modena paid no attention to this and tried to save the baby princess. He thought about breathing fire but he could not do anything to the wizard because he might hurt the baby. Modena felt a sudden tug on his leg and saw that the chains had caught up to him. One of it was biting on his leg and wrapped itself around him. The next chain got a hold of his other leg. Modena thought that he could not give up and used all of his energy and grabbed the chains with his hand. Once he got a hold of the chains, he threw it in the air and blasted a big breath of fire. The people on the ground could see the fire. It wasn’t like any normal fire they saw. It was bright bluish white with a slightly red outline. They could hear the chains hiss as if in pain when the flame hit it. When Modena stopped breathing fire, there were no signs of the chain. He was free and continued to chase after the wizard. He caught up to the wizard and roared, “UNHAND HER!!” “As you wish…,” the wizard replied with an evil grin and dropped the baby.

Modena roared with anger and slashed across the wizards face with his sharp claws. The blow made the wizard faint and the wizard fell to the ground. Modena looked down in horror as he saw the baby heading towards the ground. He dove down… using all of his strength, flapping his wings wildly, gasping for air and praying for luck. People were gathering on the ground looking in horror at what might happen. Modena didn’t want to give up. He was too close to saving the baby. The ground was coming closer and with one final burst of energy Modena leapt forward and got his hand on the baby! Modena held the baby tightly. There were sighs of relief from the crowd below but it soon turned to horror again as they realized that the dragon cannot stop now. Modena was too close to the ground that he couldn’t change his direction. He hugged the baby against his chest as he crashed on the ground with a loud and thunderous THUD!!

The ground shook and the people gathered around the dragon. The king and queen ran up to the dragon wondering what the fate of their child was. As they neared Modena, who was on his back slightly moving, they heard the baby’s cry. The queen went up to the dragon and grabbed the baby and held her as if she would never let her go. The king came up to the dragon and thanked him over and over again. The king asked, “Dear dragon, why did you risk your life to save Kahlan’s life?” Modena looked at the king and smiled, “Because Kahlan is my baby sister and I am your long lost son father.” The king was surprised but very happy to hear that. Suddenly there was another bright light and Modena disappeared. Instead, there was a handsome boy lying there. He got up and looked around at his mother and father. “The evil wizard turned me into a dragon and I wanted to save my sister from the same thing.” The queen came and hugged her son while everyone clapped and cheered, for the future for the kingdom of Gaisha looked bright once more.

Well, I wanted to give you all something different and hope you enjoyed. Adios...