the shampire strikes back

image courtesy of Google and MS Paint

Me: Welcome to my first sequel. Today I try to probe further into the life of our friend the Shampire. Without further ado, let me welcome his Holiness.
Shampire: His what? Did you just say his Holiness?
Me: Err my apologies.. Didn't mean to disgrace your name.
Shampire: His Holiness is how the Pope is refered to as. Tell me human, do I even remotely look like his Holiness?
Me: Hahaha.. You said his Holiness. You respect him..
Shampire: Why yes I do. We are both representatives from our respective Gods, and I have to give him his proper dues. (whispers) But between you and me, I don't respect him at all.
Me: It's refreshing to know you hold true to your beliefs your Highness.
Shampire: Sure sure. So errr about the last time we met, I am sorry I chased after you with an AK.
Me: Oh yeah, no worries. I totally understand. By the way, how did you turn that ordinary looking stick into a rifle?
Shampire: My dear child.. it isn't just a stick. It's the Stick of Karma!
Me: The stick of what? Karma??
Shampire: Yeah. It is a very special stick. Shall I tell you how it is made?
Me: Does it matter what I say? You will tell me anyway.
Shampire: LAAM VAAM LAAM! You're right. I would have told you regardless.. So, the Stick of Karma is made from wood from the seven continents of the world. The seven pieces of wood are grated into a container which is filled with water from the five oceans of the world. The mixture is left for weeks, sometimes months or even years and once the container dries up, the powder is moulded into a stick and tadaaa. You have the Stick of Karma.
Me: (looking at Shampire with keen interest)
Shampire: What are you looking at boy? Never saw a man with a beard before?
Me: No no.. I am wondering where your nose hair ends and your moustache begins.
Shampire: Why you ungrateful soul! I am going to beat you with this stick!!
Me: A million apologies my Lord.
Shampire: Well, just don't mock me. Shampires have feelings too (puppy eyes)
Me: So, how do you get to turn that stick into a rifle? Do you boil a rifle in the super wood-from-every-continent-and-water-from-every-ocean mixture?
Shampire: No you fool! Are you an idiot?
Me: Aaah ok. Now I am the idiot.
Shampire: There there.. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Me: It's ok.. It's just that..
Shampire: It's settled then. As I was saying, to turn the Stick of Karma into a weapon, you have to get the weapon you want first.
Me: DUH
Shampire: What was that? You retarded or something?
Me: no comments
Shampire: HHMMPPH! I won't tell you the details anymore. It's a sacred ritual.
Me: Okies. Tell me your nobleness, where are the rest of you?
Shampire: BAA RAA BAA
Me: What the hell? Are you singing?
Shampire: No no you mindless bastard! I was saying I will be right back. I am an Arab, remember?
Me: Aaaaah. You claim to be an Arab but you speak in English to me. How come?
Shampire: Cos you don't know Arabic! Ya Allah! Maa Haaza? Huva kaslaan va laisa indhahu ilmun yarah. Hal huva insaan au haivaan ya rahbee?!!
Me: Oops.
Shampire: Tell me, have you considered my offer to become one of us?
Me: Dear Lord, here we go again...
Shampire: I think the problem is with your attitude. With attitude like that, you can't get anything done.
Me: What do you know? I am a flawed human being.
Shampire: Exactly. Join me my son. Together we will make the world a better place.
Me: Based on our previous encounter it's safe to say your daughter is off limits as a reward. So what is in it for me?
Shampire: Why you selfish bastard! You get eternal salvation. Isn't that enough?
Me: Yeah it is I guess. So when do we start?
Shampire: (Tears flowing) First thing tomorrow morning.
Me: Woohoo
Shampire: I will give you a bag. Your mission is to take the bag over to the playground where they have set up a music show. Once you go there, I will press the button and it will blow up all the infidels to smitherins.
Me: Awesome! It's a deal.
Shampire: Those poor imbicels won't know what hit them.
Together: MuahAHAhAHAHahahAHAHAha

We go our separate ways preparing for the next day.
Time is 4:30 in the morning.

Me: Ummm Shamp.. You awake? We have a problem.
Shampire: What the hell? It's freaking 4:30! Why did you wake me up so early?
Me: I have errr a slight cold and can't carry the bag with me to the playground. Do you mind carrying it for me?

With this, he threw the Stick of Karma up into the air which turned into a cluster bomb. I ran on for dear life as I heard the deafening explosion behind me. I looked back one last time at Shampire and saw him praying to heavens in the burning flame.. The last of his kind.. He was funny, sarcastic, and one hell of a guy. Below is the last thing I remember before I blacked out.. Until next time.. Adi...