from sodhigu to lodhigu

So here I am again… it’s about something I have been thinking of. You know how much we claim that Dhivehi is a rich language and how we are unique and all the crap about that? Well, I took Arabic as a foreign language my sophomore year and also took English literature and Turkish literature. However, I must say they don’t say how rich and culturally diverse their language is. Nor did I see someone who made a verse about how much they loved English or Arabic. If I am to guess, I think we are over compensating for what we lack. Just like the dude who has the latest cell phone, wears the latest ray-ban, and drives the most recent model of Bajaj motorcycle to hide the fact that his doodle stick is smaller than the rest.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our language. As my friend Iya said, we have so many ways to swear… We Maldivians can make any word in our vocabulary a swear word. Our language is that rich.

Damn, I got carried away there. Well, I wanted to throw a few questions about some hard words I heard growing up and what I infer from them now that I am more independent and able to stand on my own two feet.

Kehkuri meeha faaru buduga ove maruvy- Okaaaay. I should be patient so that I would die. I don’t need a genius to tell me that. On the contrary, that’s why we shouldn’t be patient. Get what we want as soon as possible before we die!!!

Kuhlhavah falu ranin hedhun- Yeah, the idea behind this is to convey that you forgot what you were when you get new riches. But I think it is how we say ‘bitch’ in Dhivehi. Let’s say my friend Ahmed who used to play with me as a kid ignores me now that he is all so handsome and good with the ladies. So I say, ‘Ey Ahmed, thihiry kuhlhavah falu ranin hedhifa dho.’ This really means, ‘Hey Ahmed, you are a little bitch!!’ Get it?

Nufoaraa fothin foo gelhun- Okay, this is just too vulgar for the like of me… I mean is there any way this is even possible if the piece of cloth is too short??!! So you’ll pretty much end up wiping your own backside with your hand. Let us look at an example. I see my friend Ahmed once again; he is trying to climb a greased lamp post. Since this is impossible (because I said so) I exclaim to him, ‘Thiulheny nufoaraa fothin foo galhan dho?’ In truth, I am saying, ‘You might as well wipe your ass with your hand because that will be easier!’

Ok, this time it’s an English idiom. Isn’t it weird how that is spelled so close to ‘idiot’?
The early bird catches the worm- I can’t take all the credit for this one. I said this to my roommate because he was getting late and he said, ‘That’s disgusting!’ So it dawned on me (bright white light, with heavenly music) that this means if you want to do something nasty, do it early so that no one can see. Where is that Ahmed now? Ohh there he is... watching that two girls one cup video!! I say to him, ‘Ahmed, if you want to catch the worm, be the early bird.’ I am truly saying, ‘Ahmed, if you want to watch or do something nasty, do it when no one is around!!’ Ewwww..

And last and also least, here is one I like because it involves bananas. I love bananas.
Keyo kevey varu ingeyny bithu fangi negyma- How lazy do you have to be? You throw the banana skins inside the coconut leaf partition instead of the trash bags while there is a large possibility that some topless teenage girls are hanging around it hoping to find their true love. So there I see my friend Iya, he is trying to kill Amjay with a wrench (he has a personal vendetta against Amjay). I exclaim, “Iya, keyo kevey varu ingeyny bithu fangi negyma ey!!’ I am not condemning him for doing that. I am only saying, ‘Why be lazy and kill Amjay with a wrench when there are knives, guns, and construction iron with sharpened ends?’ Use things for what they are meant for and not for other uses. Sheesh!!

Disclaimer: Finally, I say these words because my post wasn’t meant to demean or belittle any language. The fact is that I am truly embracing it. I love it enough to make fun of it. They say, we always hurt the one we love. I say, we make fun of, torture, and pretty much do sadistic things to the things we truly love. Adios...

bits and binaries: chain letters

It's been a while since I have been here, but hey, no one noticed I haven't updated in a while. I am in a rather sour mood today and so will be this post, so sue me. I was sitting at my laptop browsing through the Internet, my eye to the outside world beyond these great gray walls when I got one of those 'please forward' kind of emails. While I agree that it is a good thing to spread knowledge and such, I cannot figure out why I will be unlucky or why I would go to heaven if I forwarded an email. I mean, come on... if going to heaven is that easy, the 4000 people who go to school with me would be in heaven. It makes for a nice ad slogan though, 'Paradise - only a click a way' pretty catchy huh? I came up with it myself.

One of my favorite pieces of mail is about making a wish and then forwarding the email to some people within a certain time span. It says if I do not do so, I would be unlucky (ooh, there comes another email) in love and that if I forward the email, my true love will kiss me at midnight. Yeah right!!

These chain letters made me wonder, was it like this back in the day? Did our fathers and grand parents send chain letters for good luck? Maybe they sent pigeons. That's a load of shit. Ha! That works both ways. Well let me tell you, they did use chain communication!!!

Remember back in the day, when we see the moon for our Eids, they would light a big fire and the islands who see it will light another fire and so forth.

The only difference is that there was a legit use for that unlike today, when it's done just to go to heaven or to get true love. Let me tell you, if forwarding emails brought forth true love, I know quite some people who would have kids by now.

I think I heard some of our dhanna beykalun saying that it was forbidden to believe in horoscopes and such things to do with fate. In that case, forwarding an email cos you believe that it will bring you good luck is just damn too good to pass down as being hypocritical of the very religious sermons that you, Oh Great Wise ones, so daringly and knowingly preach. Adios...