if i was the president

I have come to notice that everyone is a politician these days. There is no need to study, live a good life, or even be 'human' in order for one to become involved in politics. Hence, I decided to give this a try and unfold how things would be if I was the president.

1. First and foremost, I will not make any promises. I would only listen and offer to 'think' about the issues at hand. That way, no one can call me a liar.

That's right. There will be no vows under the full moon during my reign!

2. There will be justice for all. I will look into our 2000 year old history and prosecute each and everyone for their abuse of our beloved nation. If the suspect is deceased, I will look for a living descendant and that person will pay for the crime. Everyone gets what they deserve (some more deserving than others).

Watch out Rannamaari king. Justice League is coming for you and your offsprings!

3. There will be absolute transparency.

 Transparency: from the things we use...

...to the dress we wear!

 4. The people will have the right to choose everything through a referendum. The kids can choose their parents. If the father doesn't meet the satisfaction of the household, the child can call for a no-confidence vote and the father can be axed and power given to a new and capable individual.

Small note: I alone reserve the power to oust myself (evil grin)

5. There will be prompt punishment for molesters, rapists, and murderes. It can range from public executions to (more fun) torturing shows on the streets. Once again I reiterate "Justice for all!"

figure 1: A possible idea for torturing a rapist. The setup can be modified to hook the chains onto his more delicate organs.

6. I will dismantle the tsunami monument and use the steel to make harpoons and kill errr I mean prosecute the so called 'stars' of Mollywood.

I don't know what will be the greater good: getting rid of the monument or the stars...

7. I will privatise each and everything.

Yes. You will now be paid to go and pray.

8. There will be no weekly radio adresses to the nation. Instead I will play a song on the radio which captures the mood of the country for that week.

 

This may sound selfish, but people, get ready to listen to death metal on a weekly basis.

 9. I will uphold the constituion of the country and ensure that all the lawyers do their job and keep the junkies and fundies behind bars. There will be no 'we didn't get enough evidence' bullshit during my presidency. I will ensure the law is bent in everyway possible to convict the suspect for his/her crimes.

I will twist, cut corners, and blackmail to make sure the Constitution is upheld!

10. Maldives will hold the 2018 FIFA World Cup!

The competition ball will be called the DHIBULANI and will be made by sonee sports. I will also ban the vuvuzelas and introduce the bubuzelas (bubu is the local tongue for bodu beru)

Until next time. Adios people...