The theme these days is jazeeraa raajje. Whether it is the dress we wear or the food we eat. Jazeeraa is the next big thing in the Maldives. And what better way to celebrate our jazeeraaness then by using it to enjoy the carnal pleasures leading up to and including coitus.
So here are some sex moves and sex related stuff you ought to know as we travel on our journey of disillusionment.
1. The coconut palm
Nothing says jazeeraa more than coconut palms. It is our bread and butter so as to speak. So...it’s only fair that we honor our national tree by celebrating it in our bedroom as well. To perform the coconut palm, have your male partner wear a mundu without any underwear. Cos men don’t wear underwear in jazeeraa raajje. Anyway, have your man wear a mundu sans his ball-supporter and have him slowly sit on your face. The idea behind this move is to appreciate the view of your lover’s family jewels in all its glory as it descends upon your eager face and finally caress your facial orifices.
2. Dehusking a coconut
If coconut palm is the bread and butter of Maldives, then coconut is our jam. You Male’ians might not know this, but coconuts don’t come all round and clean. No sir! It comes covered in this thick ass hard shell you need to remove before you can get to the inner hard shell you normally see in your city shops. Meanwhile, my fellow islanders will be familiar with the rigorous dehusking process before we ship them off to Male’ or use them. If you’ve ever seen or even been around while dehusking, you’d notice how the juices from the husk slowly runs down the stake. So imagine the coconut is the woman and the stake is the penis...well..that pretty much sums up this highly popular sex move at futtaru.
3. Mani mundu
White people use what they call a cum rag when pleasuring oneself. It could be anything. From a sock to a soiled pair of boxers or just some old-fashioned Kleenex. The purpose of the said rag is to stop your baby juice from spraying all over your room leaving behind evidence of your auto eroticism for your mom to find. Anyway, us jazeeraa people don’t need the white man’s equipment for such desires. We use the sarong we wear in jazeeraa. So next time you have a raging hardon, just hide in the nearest mangrove, grab your jazeeraa stick, cover the head with a mundu, and go to town on that bad boy.
4. Mundu thong
Long before lingerie and outfits for sexy times were invented, our forefathers managed with what was available on hand (no pun intended): mundu. By this time it’s fair to say mundu is the Swiss Army knife of jazeeraa sex stuff. So what did our horny shipwrecked forefathers do when they wanted to get jiggy with some jazeeraa booty? Why, they merely rolled up the sarong tight and tucked the end into the back, making a very attractive but manly undergarment that oozed testesterone and manliness.
5. The dirty rihaakuru
While the origin of this sex move is up for debate, scholars agree that we might have borrowed it from ancient Mexicans who washed up after their Italian ship sank near the Gaadhoo Channel. The idea is very simple. It came from how a local delicacy called rihaakuru stuck to your fingers after you touched it. The sex move by the same name is when you baste yourself in your partner’s ejaculate. The move became so well known that the captain of the Italian ship MV Borri coined the term and published it in her infamous travel diary.
6. Pole and line fishing
Spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with pole or line or fish or even sex for that matter. Nonetheless, it would be unfair to end a post without paying homage to our tuna. But whereas pole and line fishing is a sustainable method for tuna, the jazeeraa side of things takes a dark turn. In jazeeraa terms, this move is used to describe the seducing of crowds by grown men. Often times the seducer is a rich powerful man. The only reason jazeerasutra laureates use this term is cos tuna is often caught on a naked hook and the likeness of it to how jazeeraa men lure crowds into believing anything thrown at them, often times on own volition, is too similar. These men, or fishermen as used in this metaphor, will be able to justify anything to the masses, whether it’s convincing a nation that a grown man courting a minor is ok under some circumstances or letting child molesters and sexual predators walk free for the greater good is justifiable.
I’ll finish my post at this point and let you come up with other creative ideas. And before I get any hate for writing about sex moves only for the pleasure of males, all I have to say is that this is jazeeraa sex moves. Not female sex moves.
Until next time. Adios...
So here are some sex moves and sex related stuff you ought to know as we travel on our journey of disillusionment.
1. The coconut palm
Nothing says jazeeraa more than coconut palms. It is our bread and butter so as to speak. So...it’s only fair that we honor our national tree by celebrating it in our bedroom as well. To perform the coconut palm, have your male partner wear a mundu without any underwear. Cos men don’t wear underwear in jazeeraa raajje. Anyway, have your man wear a mundu sans his ball-supporter and have him slowly sit on your face. The idea behind this move is to appreciate the view of your lover’s family jewels in all its glory as it descends upon your eager face and finally caress your facial orifices.
the pheromone rush as your man’s musky aroma fills your nostrils is exhilarating
2. Dehusking a coconut
If coconut palm is the bread and butter of Maldives, then coconut is our jam. You Male’ians might not know this, but coconuts don’t come all round and clean. No sir! It comes covered in this thick ass hard shell you need to remove before you can get to the inner hard shell you normally see in your city shops. Meanwhile, my fellow islanders will be familiar with the rigorous dehusking process before we ship them off to Male’ or use them. If you’ve ever seen or even been around while dehusking, you’d notice how the juices from the husk slowly runs down the stake. So imagine the coconut is the woman and the stake is the penis...well..that pretty much sums up this highly popular sex move at futtaru.
3. Mani mundu
White people use what they call a cum rag when pleasuring oneself. It could be anything. From a sock to a soiled pair of boxers or just some old-fashioned Kleenex. The purpose of the said rag is to stop your baby juice from spraying all over your room leaving behind evidence of your auto eroticism for your mom to find. Anyway, us jazeeraa people don’t need the white man’s equipment for such desires. We use the sarong we wear in jazeeraa. So next time you have a raging hardon, just hide in the nearest mangrove, grab your jazeeraa stick, cover the head with a mundu, and go to town on that bad boy.
here’s to happy endings
4. Mundu thong
Long before lingerie and outfits for sexy times were invented, our forefathers managed with what was available on hand (no pun intended): mundu. By this time it’s fair to say mundu is the Swiss Army knife of jazeeraa sex stuff. So what did our horny shipwrecked forefathers do when they wanted to get jiggy with some jazeeraa booty? Why, they merely rolled up the sarong tight and tucked the end into the back, making a very attractive but manly undergarment that oozed testesterone and manliness.
5. The dirty rihaakuru
While the origin of this sex move is up for debate, scholars agree that we might have borrowed it from ancient Mexicans who washed up after their Italian ship sank near the Gaadhoo Channel. The idea is very simple. It came from how a local delicacy called rihaakuru stuck to your fingers after you touched it. The sex move by the same name is when you baste yourself in your partner’s ejaculate. The move became so well known that the captain of the Italian ship MV Borri coined the term and published it in her infamous travel diary.
6. Pole and line fishing
Spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with pole or line or fish or even sex for that matter. Nonetheless, it would be unfair to end a post without paying homage to our tuna. But whereas pole and line fishing is a sustainable method for tuna, the jazeeraa side of things takes a dark turn. In jazeeraa terms, this move is used to describe the seducing of crowds by grown men. Often times the seducer is a rich powerful man. The only reason jazeerasutra laureates use this term is cos tuna is often caught on a naked hook and the likeness of it to how jazeeraa men lure crowds into believing anything thrown at them, often times on own volition, is too similar. These men, or fishermen as used in this metaphor, will be able to justify anything to the masses, whether it’s convincing a nation that a grown man courting a minor is ok under some circumstances or letting child molesters and sexual predators walk free for the greater good is justifiable.
I’ll finish my post at this point and let you come up with other creative ideas. And before I get any hate for writing about sex moves only for the pleasure of males, all I have to say is that this is jazeeraa sex moves. Not female sex moves.
Until next time. Adios...
