mysterious virus plagues the nation of maldives

MALE' CITY, Maldives -- The World Health Organization (WHO) has been on continued alert to monitor spontaneous outbreaks of dangerous diseases in different parts (read: third world countries) of the globe following the latest outbreak of Ebola earlier this year. It seems like WHO's perseverance in monitoring these risks has finally paid off. The organization released a statement late last night as a mysterious disease has been discovered in the Maldives. This grave news was followed by the alarming news as scientists disclosed that this disease has been endemic to Maldives for centuries. Despite the suddenness and mystery that surrounds the discovery, what baffled the medical community the most has been the peculiar effects of this menacing disease: impregnating women!

Authorities have not yet named the disease, but the pathogen responsible for this life altering condition has been identified and labeled as the Human Gravidaphage Virus (HGV). The name Gravidaphage comes from the Latin word 'gravido' meaning impregnate and the Greek word 'phagous' meaning devouring. WHO informed they decided to name the virus as a -phage because the disease ends up 'eating the life away' of the patient.

an electronic microscopic photo shows a group of HGV attacking the ovum of a female patient

Scientists and doctors from renown medical universities and hospitals flocked to the Maldives to study the effects of the virus. Dr. Ahmed, the resident gynecologist cum urologist at the biggest private hospital in the Maldives met with reporters on behalf of the investigating team of experts and explained their findings to this point.

"Our observations indicate it's possible that HGV is a gender-based virus as all HGV positive patients have been females thus far. Also...There hasn't been any reports of transmission between humans yet." Dr. Ahmed also explained that the team will conduct tests to observe how the virus affects a male mouse. "We are already working on finding a vaccine, but at the same time, we are trying to identify the chances and prepare for a cross-gender jump to males. And should that happen, take possible precautions."

HGV has been found to be aggressive even when dormant

"What we have is a very unique pathogen. While we are unable to tell the exact origin of the virus or how it originated in Maldives, our team finds it amazing that the virus keeps on attacking until the ovum or more commonly known as the egg, becomes fertilized." Dr. Ahmed explained. Everyone who contracted the virus has thus far been unable to completely get rid of the virus. "In effect, you can say that a single virus is able to make a woman pregnant but we don't know how many times it could potentially occur as the virus tends to become dormant for periods." Records show that a patient could be found positive for HGV, get pregnant, and give birth, but get pregnant again years later. Numbers show that some patients went through as many as 3 of these dormant-active cycles. He further revealed that the dormant and active period of the virus was completely random.

No one has yet been able to identify how all these women contracted the virus in the first place. It's one aspect of the investigation that the doctors and scientists have differing opinions. Dr. Yoosef, an astronomer, believes that the virus is transmitted through an animal. "This virus has been in this country for long. We cannot tell anything for sure without knowing who was patient zero. However, I believe it is a vector borne virus. There just isn't any other way for the virus to be endemic to the Maldives for centuries. The only possible explanation is that an animal that is only found in the Maldives is a host of the HGV."

Dr. Ahmed, on the other hand, opposes the hypothesis. "I'm not saying that he is wrong. It's possible that he's right too, but he's just an astronomer. What did he do to come to that conclusion? Consult the stars? I think we need the medical experts to handle this."

a close-up of the human gravidaphage virus during the active period (photo credits: Tylon - ZBrushCentral)

While it's obvious that this newly discovered virus will cause clashes in academia, everyone needs to work together as the virus has a tendency to cause false positives. That is, someone could actually just be pregnant and not HGV positive. "The problem is that pregnant women and HGV positive women show the same symptoms." Dr. Ahmed told reporters. "Once we discovered the virus, we almost had a nationwide panic as every pregnant woman in the country could possibly be carrying HGV."

Authorities and everyone concerned are working on a possible procedure to correctly identify HGV positive patients. "We know the theory behind all this," a very convinced Dr. Yoosef told reporters after the news conference. "Hypothetically speaking..if you were a woman and you happen to be pregnant, what could you ask yourself? Who the father is, no? All we need to do is build a device that would enable us to test the validity of your claim. We just need a way to test the DNA of the embryo and compare whether it matches the man who you claim is the father. I'm sure we can build this device within 4 to 5 years if we all work together."

Even Dr. Ahmed agrees to the idea as long as the virus doesn't start affecting males. "I'm afraid I have to agree with Dr. Yoosef as long as the patients aren't males. However, I would consider the fact that with the exception of a few outliers...all HGV positive patients have not been married at the time of contraction of the virus. If we use that as a start, we could start eliminating false positives within weeks with 90% accuracy!"

While Maldives, and the world, faces an uncertain future, the biggest advantage we have over the Human Gravidaphage Virus is that it has been contained in the Maldives all these years. Only time will tell how things turn out.

Until next time. Adios...

man's life is ruined after ex leaks nudes

Ahmed started his day like any other day. He got out of bed after hitting the snooze button for the third or fourth time. He managed to go through the three s's; shit, shave, and shower, without much of a hassle despite being half awake. But alas, the day was not meant to be normal by any means. By the time Ahmed reached his office, the life of this 21-year old aspiring writer had turned upside down.

Turns out his girlfriend has leaked nude pictures of him after a messy break up. It all started with a frantic call from his aging mother. The first words out of her mouth were words of condemnation and shame. Ahmed couldn't even catch the slur of words his mother threw at him. What he did manage to catch was about the shame he has brought his family and the statement that Ahmed was no longer his mother's child.

Now, this was right before he left for work on his cycle. He bought it on an installment scheme and he still had 11 months left on his payment. By the time Ahmed reached office, he had received more than 50 notifications. You see, not only did his ex leak Ahmed's picture. She took the time to tag him on Facebook and Twitter. She also wrote down his contact details. When he checked Facebook, he saw all kinds of comments from females who saw his picture. They were commenting on his body and his private organs. A few of the comments though, were shaming him. And calling him a show off and a slut for taking nude pictures. Ahmed had also received no less than 25 friend requests in a matter of minutes. They were all from females, no doubt looking for an easy lay.

Ahmed never stopped to second guess going to work amidst the ensuing chaos. He couldn't afford to lose his jobs to make his loan payments. Without thinking, he entered his office. Ahmed came face to face with his boss, Mrs. Aishath, who immediately called him to her office. The last thing Ahmed saw before he entered Aishath's office was his colleagues whispering and giggling.

Once inside, Aishath explained the company policy to Ahmed. She explained that once the case of his nude photos come into light, the company would have no choice but to let him go and forfeit his pension and all. However, Aishath said that Ahmed could get some compensation for services rendered if he resigned on his own. Ahmed tried to plead his case. He tried to explain that he sent the picture while they were dating and that his ex promised to delete the picture after looking at it. Ahmed also tried to state that he hasn't even being found guilty by the authorities. Aishath said there was nothing she could do, but she hesitated as if having second thoughts, and asked Ahmed to meet her at her apartment when her husband wasn't around. Aishath made it clear that it wasn't a promise but that she would do everything to make sure Ahmed kept his job. Of course, provided that Ahmed cooperated with her.

Having reluctantly agreed to meet his boss later that day, Ahmed walked over to his cubicle. Head down. Ahmed sat down and let everything that had happened in the last hour or so sink in. His world has come apart. He will need to work hard to get out of this mess.

Ahmed's thoughts were interrupted by a notification on the computer in front of him. He had an email. It was from one of his female colleagues. He opened the attachment in the email. The subject said "what's your rate?" and the image that opened on the screen would later make him puke.

It was the first ever picture he had sent. Ahmed wished it was the only one he did. But he had loved and trusted his girlfriend blindly and sent her all kinds of scandalous pictures. After a few minutes, Ahmed logged onto Facebook again. The number of friend requests were increasing and he had more messages from strange women than he would care to count. However, one of the messages caught his attention. It was from a girl who just shared a link.

Dreading what he would find, Ahmed clicked it. It took him to one of the infamous Maldivian groups on Facebook that posted nude pictures of guys. In this group, all the girls would call them sluts while secretly trying to get into the guy's pants, and continue to publicly shame their indecency. Sometimes they would even share contact details. Ahmed saw a plethora of his photos plastered across the page. Each picture was accompanied by a variety of filthy comments.

Despite the nature of the comments, Ahmed was a bit happy to see some people took his side and tried to explain Ahmed was a victim. But these comments were few and most of them were crowded out by comments from people saying that Ahmed shouldn't have shared his pictures in the first place and that the purpose of shaming Ahmed was to make sure he wouldn't do it again. The girl who was the admin of this group had written a message to Ahmed as well: "We will remove your pictures once you apologize to us in public for sending nude pictures. What you did was forbidden in Islam and this is your punishment. Apologize to us and we will remove your pictures!"

Ahmed knew he had no choice in this matter and he started to slowly type the apology requested by the group. The non-stop notifications from his phone and his email accompanied the sound of the key strokes on the keyboard. It made a catchy tune but it was a sad one. For Ahmed, it was a song about changing his life and changing the way he dressed. It was a song about moving onto a different island to get away from all the lust-filled eyes of every woman who has seen Ahmed's pictures. And while he was still typing, his boss messaged him, "Come over to my place, I'm waiting for you."

"This happened to me," said no guy ever.
Until next time. Adios...

އެޕާރޓްމަންޓެއް ވިއްކާނެއްބާ

ނޯޓް: މިލިޔުމުގައި ސިފަކޮށްދީފައިވާ މަންޒަރުތަކާއި ވާހަކަތަކަކީ ޙަޤީޤި ހާދިސާތަކެއްގެ މައްޗަށް ބިނާކޮށް، ފޮނިތޮށްޓާއި ކާފޫރުތޮޅި އަޅައިގެން، ގެނެސްދީފައިވާ މަންޒަރުތަކާއި ވާހަކަތަކެކެވެ.

(ފޯނުން)

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ..........

އަހަރެން: އައްސަލާމް ޢަލައިކުމް

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: .........

އަހަރެން: ހަލޯ!! ހަލޯ!! އަޑުއިވޭތަ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: (ރުންކުރު ފާޑަކަށް) އާނ. ކިހިނެތްވީ؟

އަހަރެން: އަޅުގަނޑު މިގުޅާލީ އައިބޭގައި ކުއްޔަށްދޭން އެޕާރޓްމަންޓެއް ޖަހާފަ އޮތީމަ އެތަން ބަލާލަންވެގެން

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: މިރޭ އަށެއް ޖަހާއިރު އޮލިމްޕަސް ކުރިމައްޗަށް އާދޭ

އަހަރެން: އެންމެ ރަގަޅު. ޝުކުރި...

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: (ފޯނު ބާއްވައިފި)

ރޭގަނޑު

(ފޯނުން)

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އާނ. ކީކޭ؟

އަހަރެން: ހަލޯ

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ކާކު ތީ؟

އަހަރެން: މިއަދު ހެނދުނު ގުޅީމެއްނު އަޅުގަނޑު. އެޕާރޓްމަންޓް ބަލަންވެގެން. އޮލިމްޕަސް ކައިރިއަށް އައިސް

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: މިހާރު ބޭރުގަ. އަހަރެން އިރުކޮޅަކުން ގުޅާނަން

އަހަރެން: އާނ އޯކޭ

ޖެހިގެން އައި ދުވަހު ހެދުނު

(ފޯނުން)

އަހަރެން: ހަލޯ! ރޭގަ ކިހިނެއް ހެދީ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ކީކޭ؟ ތީ ކީއްކުރާމީހެއް؟

އަހަރެން: އެޕާރޓްމަންޓް ކުއްޔަށްހިފަން. ރޭ ގުޅާނަމޭ ބުނީމެއްނު

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އެތަން މިހާރަކު ނެތް

އަހަރެން: އެއީ ކީއްވެތޯ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އެހެންމީހަކަށް ކުއްޔަށްދީފިން

އަހަރެން: އައްދޭ! ތީދެން ވަރަށް ހެއްވާގޮތެއް. ދެން ނެތްތަ ކުއްޔަށް ދޭ ތަނެއް؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އާން ނެތް. (ފޯނު ބާއްވައިފި)

އިރުކޮޅެއްފަހުން

(ފޯނުން)

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ހަލޯ!

އަހަރެން: Hello. I saw your ad on iBay

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: Hello hello. Yes it's available. I have many places for rent

އަހަރެން: Oh

ގޭގެވެރިފަރާތް: Very cheap price. I give you discount for furniture too

އަހަރެން: That's great! Tell me a good time to go check the place

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: You tell time. I pick you on my cycle

އަހަރެން: Let's go now. I am near Olympus

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: Good. I go now

އަހަރެން: Awesome! Thank you

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: No no no. Thank you very much

އޮލިމްޕަސް ކައިރިން

އަހަރެން: (ސަލާމް ކޮށްލަން އަތްދިއްކޮށްލަމުން) ކޮބާ ކިހިނެތްތޯ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އޭނ؟؟ ތީކާކު؟

އަހަރެން: އިއްޔެ ގުޅިމެންނުންތޯ އެޕާރޓްމަންޓް ކުއްޔަށްހިފަން

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އެހެންތަ؟

އަހަރެން: އާނ. ކޮބާ ނެތްތަތަނެއް މިހާރު؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އާނ. ނެތް ހަމަ. ވަރަށް ތާށި ތަންތަން.

އަހަރެން: އެކަމު ދެންމެ އަހަރެން ގުޅީމަ ތިބޭފުޅާ ބުނި އެބަހުއްޓޭ. އެތަން ދައްކަން އެމީހާ ބަލައެއްނު ތިޔައީ އަސްލު

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ކަލޭތަ ވާހަކަ ދެއްކީ އިނގިރޭސިބަހުން؟

އަހަރެން: އާނ. ތިބޭފުޅާ އަޅުގަނޑަށް ދޮގުހެދީނު

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އަހަރެން ދެނީ ހަމައެކަނި ބޭރުމީހުންނަށް

އަހަރެން: އަހަރެންވެސް ހަމަ އެވަރަށް ކުލި ދައްކަފާނަމޭ

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: (އިރުކޮޅަކު ވިސްނަންހުރެފަ) ކުއްޔަށްދޭ އެޕާރޓްމަންޓަކީ ތިންސަތޭކަ އަކަފޫޓުގެ ތަނެއް.

އަހަރެން: ސިޓިންގ ރޫމެއް ހުރޭތަ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އަސްލު މިއީ ކޮޓަރިއެއް. ކޮޓަރީގެ އެއްކޮޅުގަ ކައްކާ ކެވޭގޮތަށް ހަދާފަ ހުންނާނީ. ބޭނުމިއްޔާ ސޯފާ ބަހައްޓަންވީ

އަހަރެން: ފާހަނަޔޯ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ފާހާނަ ހުންނާނީ ބޭރުގަ. އެއީ ޖެހިގެން ހުރި އެޕާރޓްމަންޓްގެ މީހުންވެސް ބޭނުންކުރާ ފާހާނާ

އަހަރެން: އެހެންދޯ؟ ކިތައްވަނަ ބުރި؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: 6 ވަނަ ބުރި. ލިފެޓެއްނުހުރޭ

އަހަރެން: ހމމ...ކުައްޔަކީ..

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ކުއްޔަކީ މަހަކަށް އެންމެ 5000 ރުފިޔާ. އެޑްވާންސްއަކީ 480000 ރުފިޔާ

އަހަރެން: 480000 ރުފިޔާ!!

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އަސްލު ވާގޮތަކީ އެޕާރޓްމަންޓުގެ އަސްލު ކުއްޔަކީ 13000. ދެން އަހަރެން މަހަކު 5000 އަށް ހަދާފަ ބާކީ 8000 ފަސް އަހަރަށް ބަހާފަ މިނަގަނީ އެޑްވާންސަށް.

އަހަރެން: އޯކޭ

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ކަލޭ ފަރުނީޗަރު ބޭނުންތަ؟

އަހަރެން: އޭރުން ކުއްޔަކީ ކޮބާ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ފުލީ ފާނިޝްކޮށްފަވިއްޔާ 20000 ރުފިޔާ. އެޑްވާންސް ހަމަ ކުރިޔެކޭ އެއްގޮތަށް 480000

އަހަރެން: މައްސަލައެއް ނެތް

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އެތަން ބޭނުމިއްޔާ އަހަރެން އެޑްވާންސް ލާރި ބޭނުންވާނެ މިހަފްތާނގަ. ތަން ލިބޭނީ ތިން މަސް ފަހުން

އަހަރެން: ކީކޭ؟؟!

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އާނ. އެތަން ހުސްވާނީ ތިން މަސް ފަހުން. ދެން ކަލޭ ބޭނުމިއްޔާ ތަން ރެނޮވޭޓް ކުރަންވީ

އަހަރެން: އޭރުން ކުލިން އެހެންނޫނީ އެޑްވާންސް އިން ކަނޑާނަންތަ؟

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: ނޫން. ރެނޮވޭޝަނަށްދާ ފައިސާ ކަލެޔަށް އަނބުރާ ދޭނަން ކުށްޔަށްދޭ މުއްދަތު ހަމަވީމަ.

އަހަރެން: ތިކަމާ ކުޑަކޮށް ވިސްނާލަންޖެހޭނީ

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އަވަހަށް ވިސްނާ. އެހެންމީހަކުވެސް އެބަހުރި މިތަން ބޭނުންވާ. އޭނާ އެބަ ބުނޭ އެއްފަހަރާ ފަސް ލައްކަވެސް ދީފާނަމޭ. އެކަމު އެއީ ދެން ރާއްޖެތެރޭ ބޮޑު އާއިލާއެއް. މުޅި ގެ ހީވާނީ ގޮޑެއްހެން އެމީހުން އައިސް.

އަހަރެން: އެހެންވީމާ އެގްރީމެންޓްގަ ސޮއިކުރަން ވީމަ ގުޅާ

ދެ ދުވަސް ފަސް

(ފޯނުން)

ގޭގެ ވެރިފަރާތް: އޭ. މިހާރު އެބަހުރި އެއްފަހަރާ 9 ލައްކަ ދީފަ އެތަން 10 އަހަރަށް ނަގަން ބޭނުންވާ މީހެއް. ކަލޭ އަދިވެސް އެތަން ބޭނުންތަ؟

things i learned going through the education system in the maldives

According to Nelson Mandela, education is the greatest weapon with which to change the world. So now that I have gone through some stages of education, I want to take the time to pause and reflect on how well I have been prepared to become the stallion that mounts the world. For all intent and purposes, I'll be focusing on my time going through the education system in the Maldives.

okay..maybe I'm not a stallion yet

1. Fear of being wrong

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that we go to school to do something I would like to call learn. So there I was. It was the first week of grade 1 and we were going through a lesson. We were doing a mini reading comprehension and the teacher asked the class what the girl in the passage we were reading about wrote in her note book. I already read the lesson the night before so I thought I knew the answer. My hand shot up and I told the teacher what I thought was the correct answer. Apparently it wasn't. The teacher got angry at me and scolded me: "Why are you lying?!!!" I was young but I knew it was a genuine mistake and the fact that she chose to tell me I was lying rather than my answer was wrong bordered on insanity. This wasn't a one time incident but in short, it's fair to say the whole education system is build on right answers vs wrong answers. It wasn't until I started grade 9 physics that I learned from my tuition teacher that right or wrong answers didn't matter as much as using the correct methodology.

2. Discrimination

I was in grade 4. We had a girl in our class who had very dark skin, and because we were all brought up in society to be generous assholes when it came to skin color, we avoided her. I'm not saying we were taught that being dark was bad. We were taught that being fair was beautiful and into our young and innocent minds, it translated as: dark = yucky. The teacher didn't help either. If one of us boys were being too loud in the class, we had to sit down next to her. Needless to say that I spent a good amount of the academic year seated next to her as punishment and I hated the girl for that. Furthermore, discrimination wasn't just limited to skin color. If we had a kid from a rich family or a noble (read: beyfulhu) family, they get special treatment from the teacher and this irresponsible behavior from teachers and the school staff was very much out in the open.

3. Looking after yourself

When I was in grade 5 I had my first foreign teacher and boy was he scary! He was rather unorthodox compared to the teachers I had before. For example, he was the only teacher I met who punished a student and then later took them aside to ask them how they were doing. He had one interesting pet peeve. We went to school in the morning and all the desks and chairs were always dusty as hell. Not to mention the students from the afternoon session rearranged the desks everyday to their teacher's preference. Hence, every morning at 6, four of us had to go to clean the classroom and rearrange the desks. We did that for the whole year. It was an interesting and a completely new experience to clean the classroom because we were used to our classrooms being cleaned and arranged by the time we already came to class.

4. You feel like you're studying for the sake of studying

The biggest complain I had during my secondary education was studying things that I felt were useless in the real world. Especially when studying mathematics. I remember one day, my math teacher was teaching us matrices and I asked what a matrix was used for. What did the teacher say? "You'll learn it later." And this was the answer I got every time I asked any teacher about the purpose of a certain lesson. One time, in a calculus class, we challenged the teacher why using imaginary numbers worked. This time the teacher gave even a better answer than my previous teachers. "Sometimes you'll have to trust me and believe things because I said so." Yup! We weren't taught to think. We were indoctrinated to do things just because we were told to do so. However, I did manage to find out the use of matrices when I took 3D graphics in college. (TL; DR: Computers used matrices to do computations on its graphics cards.) I still can't believe why my math teacher couldn't tell me that.

ahem....I also learned where babies came from :-)

5. Unfair punishment/treatment

If you're reading this I'll assume you've gone to some form of school and have been punished. The thing about getting punished in my experience is that it's never fair. How unfair? This one time I was in class when someone threw an egg on to the ceiling. The egg came from outside and I was busy talking to a friend when it happened. Being the good Samaritans that we were, we went to the school office and reported it. Next thing we know, we had to return to school office after school and the two deputy/assistant principals at the time "Nafa" Naseem and "Gahaa" Saeed made us kneel down on the ground and write what happened. I told a nearby supervisor that we were the people who reported what happened. Then Mr. Naseem, who everyone at school hated for being a glorious stinky piece of shit-filled asshole, told us that he wants to show us who's boss, and that's saying it very eloquently (miadhu beynumee kaleymennah hey aruvaalan). Another incident that I'll never forget is from when I was in grade 1. We had a kid who was considered a little crazy (See? we discriminated even then. Looking back I'm sure the kid was normal cos he grew up to be a fine intelligent man) and one day he was chasing this girl with a broom. Everyone in the class were assigned to groups and I was the group leader to which she belonged. I don't know what I was thinking but I tried to stop the kid and somehow we ended up sandwiching the girl between us and she got hit with the broom. Needless to say she started crying and Lo and behold! A supervisor showed up. He asked the class what happened and everyone pointed at me. I explained what happened down to every detail and the supervisor scolded me and I'm pretty sure he made me stand still at my desk. One silver lining from this whole thing: I learned at a younger age that life wasn't going to be fair to me and I managed to learn to live around the system.

punish me if you must. cos I can take it.

6. Always carry a pen with you if meeting someone important

I just finished grade 10 and I went back to get recommendation from the school principal to get into grade 11. I was in the principal's office to get the report from him and he showed me that there was a portion on the form where I forgot to fill. I asked him to borrow a pen and he said, "No". I was startled and not sure I heard him correctly, I asked him if he wasn't going to lend me a pen. He said he wouldn't and he said it with a smile. I muttered a curse under my breath and went to find a pen from elsewhere. I later met with a classmate and shared what happened at the principal's office. My classmate laughed and told me that he had the same experience and that the principal told him that he should always carry a pen when going to meetings. In the spirit of full disclosure, I didn't fully learn this lesson until I finished college.

7. I only started learning when I began to enjoy studying

Now in grade 11 and till then, English was my weakest subject. I even straight up failed English in my O Level exams. Anyway, I had this wonderful teacher in Grade 11. She made us write what we wanted and let us enjoy the process. She told us what we were doing wrong while doing exercises and the best part of it all: she didn't throw a fit when we got a little late to class or if we missed a class. She did get angry and scolded us but she didn't kick us out of the class as per school regulations in case we were late. I must say I learned more about English (and teaching) from her than from my 10 years of education up to that point. In addition, she gave me confidence that I can do well in English. In short, it was a blast!

So there you have it. If you're an educator you may not agree with everything I said. I don't blame you. I'm still grateful to all my teachers and I can't thank them enough because they did, whether I like it or not, make me who I am today.

Until next time. Adios...

a letter of apology to mohamed ibthihaal

(Author's note: If you haven't heard about the incident please have a look here)

Dear Mohamed Ibthihaal,

It is with great regret I inform you that we have failed you as a society. We're deeply saddened by the brutal incident and would like to point out the deepest disappointment in our own selves at the time of this heartbreaking murder. Please do not despair or think your death went unnoticed, because the nation collectively condemns, in the harshest of words, your inhumane death.

Ibthihaal. I'm sorry your picture is plastered on every newspaper and every news outlet today so that we can all feel good by feeling bad about our own negligence. Only through such sensationalisation are we able to keep our focus on a single event. Having said that, I'm sorry that we would soon forget you and your death would just be a number in the myriads of manslaughters in this nation.

I'm sorry, Ibthihaal, that we as a society do not concern ourselves with the wellbeing of others. It's not like we knew your mother was abusing you for the past 3 years. I'm sorry, but, as a society, we don't look at children born out of wedlock as part of the community. I'm sorry that we look at such children as a bad omen and would like to keep our own safe from you. As such, we chose to ignore you because you didn't really belong to our close-knit family in the island. I'm sorry that we punish children for the sins of their parents. I'm sorry that we see you for nothing less than the sinful spawn of two adulterers. On that note, I'm also sorry that we could not identify who your father was. I'm sorry we live in a system where only his confession would have confirmed him your father as four grown men didn't see him fornicate with your mother, whose word, by the way, holds no meaning in court.

Ibthihaal, you don't know me but I'm sorry, because even if we cared, we live in a system that does not allow preemptive action. I'm sorry we live in a society that's content with letting child abusers and pedophiles walk free because, one: it's not our child and two: we don't have evidence. We are sorry but please understand that we can't really take the words of a child against an adult, and in some cases, their blood relatives. Sometimes, even their own parents. I'm sorry you didn't grow up to be an adult, because if so, you would be able to have solace in the fact that there are many others like you who grew up bruised, battered, and molested. Because, by then, you would realize, and I am very embarrassed to say this, that you weren't the first child we failed.

I'm sorry that everyone of us will use your image and your story to further our agenda. I'm sorry that even though we will likely find people who were accomplices to your murder through negligence, we will not address the root cause of this issue. I'm sorry that none of the policy makers, the grassroots, or even taxpayers would find the need to address such issues during political debates, unless it has something to do with overthrowing the person in power. However, it is with great pleasure I inform you, that we will find a scapegoat for your death and we will punish all parties involved directly. Then, I'm afraid and I'm really sorry to say this, we will sweep this issue under the rug.

i'm sorry that even though we feel sad, we'll forget everything about you very soon

I'm sorry...I'm sorry you didn't grow up to enjoy life to the fullest. Please be rest assured that you did indeed have a wonderful future ahead of you such as education, sports, friends, and most importantly, a life. I'm sorry we failed in our duties but we hope you understand and forgive us because we had bigger issues at hand. One as young as you wouldn't understand the consequences of music shows, political rivalries, or the importance of promoting xenophobia even at the cost of overlooking the current cancers in our society. I'm sorry we were too busy swimming in our own pile of hypocrisy and I'm sorry the only solace our religious clerics could offer you is the dangers of fornication to a society.

Mohamed Ibthihaal, I sincerely hope that you accept our deepest apologies because your death would be in vain and we would do nothing besides angry/sad posts on social media or pass pictures of you around and, as I noted earlier, feel good by feeling bad about you.

I'm sorry.

Very Respectfully,

The Republic of Maldives

if maldivian institutions were honest

DISCLAIMER: Please excuse my photo editing skills. I used Powerpoint (read: Excel) to make these images. For a better view, just click on the first picture and you can go through the pictures as a slideshow.

The following post is rated 'H' for Honest!

#1

#2

 #3

#4

#5

#6

Can you think of anymore? Let me know in the comments. Until next time. Adios...

the wizard of maldives: an analogy

The following post is rated 'S' for spoilers.

If there is one thing I like as much as cartoons, it is making analogies out of cartoons. You see, analogies are the perfect way to present an idea and...OK OK. I know you know what an analogy is. Let us get on with the post.

gather one, gather all! it's time to give another classic the maldivian treatment

Unlike Alice in Wonderland, for which I did an analogy sometime earlier (have a look), I remember the Wizard of Oz for haunting me the first time I watched the movie as an innocent boy. I have never been the same innocent naive boy since. The Wizard of Oz opened my eyes to the dark side of life: witchcraft, lions, slippers, and finally, flying monkeys! Not to derail from the subject at hand, but let us reminisce the 'dark side of the rainbow' that had avid readers and wannabes everywhere jump with excitement. What I am trying to say here is that the Wizard of Oz literally is the shit! So...now that I am grown up, mature, and flamboyantly handsome, I want to get to the crux of things and see how I can analyze our God-given pearl of a country through the lens of this timeless classic by Frank Baum.

1. I'll start off with the main protagonist: Dorothy Gale. Miss Gale is not your everyday law-abiding citizen. On the contrary, she is in fact one of the most important people in the universe of Oz. Plucked from her home in Kansas, all Dorothy wants is to get back home. However, she is all that stands between good and evil. Furthermore, she is the brains and muscles of her band of misfits. In short, she has big shoes to fill. More on the said shoes later.

eyes on the shoes! she's not some piece of meat for you to ogle at

Throughout the whole book/movie, Dorothy does everything humanly possible to reach home but keeps falling short and ends up having to help the Wizard every single time. In short, she represents each and everyone of us apart from a lucky few. We all have such high hopes and dreams and whatnot, but the majority of us hardly get there. We get hiccups midway, whether it's getting married and popping out a child, or having to settle finances. Either way, in the end we find ourselves quite far from where we wanted to go.

all i wanted was to be a writer who moonlights as a superhero and i have to settle for writing captions!

2. Tin Man

*sigh* i wish!

Apart from not being everyone's superhero from Marvel (and by everyone I mean those who know superheroes through Hollywood), Tin Man represents the service industry of the Maldives. Sure, Tin Man looks all polished and shiny on the outside, but he's as useful as nipples on a breastplate. Likewise, if you have dealt with any place in the Maldives that serves customers, such as Bank of Maldives, IGMH, Dhiraagu, Post Office, and restaurants, to name a few, you'd rue the day you were born. You would not only get piss-poor service, they'll rape your sanity along the way! At a restaurant they'll charge you an arm and a leg despite the shitty service and unwanted 'souvenirs' in your food. At a queue, there'll be one working counter no matter how many people are in line. Despite where you go, one thing they all have in common is that the staff would go out of their way to ensure you have PTSD by the time you are finished.

my face when i get service at *insert any place you want*

3. I don't really have to explain much for this entry, given the name Cowardly Lion. I remember the first time I saw him on TV and literally shat my shorts. He was that scary. However, five minutes later, even my young and very clueless mind was able to grasp the reality of what was unfurling right before my very small eyes. The King of the jungle, the fucking Maharajah of the freaking animal kingdom, was a sissy!

if this clown is the king of the jungle, i'm the goddamned batman!

So what does this closeted cross-dressing (hint hint) Sultan of the wild represent in our country? His hairy majesty represents the unusual tendency of today's youth. Mainly the males' fashion tastes. Even the most bad ass gangster cum drug lord on the streets wears pink shirts and skinny jeans. I know I'm not the one to talk when it comes to fashion and stuff, but hello! At least wear something that does not make us normal folks question your sexuality. What's even grimmer is that many from the up and coming female generation find this abomination manly. Blech!

 imagine fitting your legs and your family jewels in that cone and try not to cringe

4. Scarecrow

be honest with me here and tell me the warner bros logo at the bottom right of the screen didn't remind you of bugs bunny

Scarecrows have only one God-given purpose in their lives: scare the shit out of pests. And, if the Wizard of Oz has given any indication of it thus far, it's that scaring is the one thing our straw-filled friend cannot do. Likewise, we have a fair number of laws in our nation and even though our Constitution fails to match the lengthy prowess of the Constitution of India, we do have a good amount of laws and regulations to govern the state. Furthermore, the legislature keeps enacting new laws every year to empower relevant authorities to make sure people abide laws of the land. I'll tell you one thing this farce has achieved: These laws and whatnot sure have protected the offenders from having to answer in the court of law. Whether it is due to a technical issue or because of lack of evidence, the laws that are enacted to protect the citizens do everything but!

behave!

5. Nothing says the Wizard of Oz like the flying monkeys. They fly, they're sneaky, and they are monkeys! These pesky apes represent the cancer that plagues our nation: the drug addicts, the murderers, the addicts, the rapists, and the thieves. We can argue that we no longer have the very basic right a human should have: feeling secure in our own house. And thanks to the inability of the authorities and lackluster laws (i.e. entry 4), these pests roam free day and night. All the taxpayers are left to do with is to lock their doors and pray it's someone else that gets shagged. There's a loophole though: you are also someone else's someone else. Did that make sense? Never mind.

it's a bird! it's a plane! it's a...bunchofcrazyparteyscomingtofuckingstabyou!

6. Ruby slippers (as promised)

no, it isn't something to ward off foot worshipers

The ruby slippers, though not technically a character, presents the means for our heroine to go to home. If we look at the current state of the country, our biggest target has been establishing democracy. What better way to represent democracy than by a free and fair election? This is what the ruby slippers is to the Maldivians: the very means to establish rule of law and good governance. Oh, did I not mention that even though the ruby slippers have the magic to take us anywhere, us Maldivians always seem to choose an asshole when it comes to decide who to rule us. This is not something that is happening only now. It has been the same throughout our history. And no, I don't mean the past thirty years. Maldives has been around a whole lot longer than that! In the end, even though we know the people who took a dump on us, even though we know they will do it again, we always re-elect them and place them on the pedestal so that we may cower beneath them while they caress our tresses with their poo.

wait a gosh darn minute! are you telling me we've been going round in circles?

7. If you have been reading this post up to this point, you should know we still have a wizard unaccounted for. It would also behoove you to know that the wizard represents the politicians. We fall for their sleazy tricks. Not to mention, politicians are royal dicks who treat their constituents worse than cum rags unless it's time to vote. I'll paraphrase a quote from an incumbent MP who stated that he bought his seats. That it was a business transaction and as businesses go, he had the right to sell his votes, to shift alliances and to you know...be a royal dick. I just cannot fathom how the hell Maldivians not see all this!

i've read harry potter. wizards use brooms to fly. i call shenanigans! 

8. Wicked Witch of the West

No tale is complete without a formidable villain and the Wicked Witch of the West is as villainous as a villain could be.

can i cop a feel...just a little?

No. She does not personify she-hulk wannabe women who like young girls. She stands for something far worse: xenophobia. We have become so insecure in our faith that we have succumbed to identifying everything based on whether it's blasphemous aka laadheenee or accepted in Islam. Whether it's the death of a fellow human being or whether it's simply wishing a new year, we would rather bicker whether the person would go to hell or heaven instead of praying for peace for the departed soul. Or in the case of sending well wishes on an occasion, holier than thou know-it-alls among us would preach non-stop about how wishing someone during their festivities would mean we accept their religion. And don't even get me started on how we see everything as a crucifix or an idol. I mean, it's not like my faith is a snowflake that would melt once the rays from the sun hits it. Or maybe we feel losing our religion is as easy as losing our virginity. I mean, it's not like I'd slip and enter someone and slip out and slip back in again. Is it that easy?

hmm...not sure if this post is laadheenee or not

Until next time. Adios...

the coconut: the desolation of an unexpected journey to there and back

Prologue:

It began long ago in a land far away to the east, the like of which you will not find in the world today. There was the city of Male, its markets known far and wide, full of the bounties of vine and vale, peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-Earth: Mordis, stronghold of Namaari, King of the Sea and mightiest of the Kraken-Lords. Namaari ruled with utter surety, never doubting his house would endure, for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson.

Ah, Usef...Male'! (pronounced Yoosef) From deep within the ocean itself, the beauty of this island city was legend. Its wealth lay in the ocean in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone. The skill of the Krakens was unequaled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of corals, fish bones, rock, and sand. Ever they delved deep, down into the dark and that is where they found it, the Heart of the Ocean...the Tuna. Namaari named it the King's Jewel, he took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was divine. All would pay homage to him, even the great Human King Bod Umanzar (pronounced Bodh Umaanzar). But the years of peace and plenty was not to last. Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in. Namaari's love of tuna grown too fierce and sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow...

Chapter 1:

It was a day like any other in the lands of Mordis. The sky was azure blue, the ocean dark blue, the sun an orangish-blue, you get the picture. The gulls sang their jubilant songs as the waves washed ashore broken corals, dead leaves and branches, and a coconut covered with seaweed; an ancient sign of things to come. The fisher folk of this small village set about with their daily musings paying no heed to what the waves washed upon the shores. The folks of Mordis were simple and did not care about the goings-on in Middle Earth or about ancient signs. They were a proud bunch of people and prefer their quiet lives. Little did they know, that the forthcoming days would be different. In fact it would be very different, for a man from foreign lands was going to join them tonight for supper. No one knows who or where this stranger came from. Dressed in a white cloak, carrying a bag and unarmed save for his walking staff, the alien stood at the piers as the folks returned with their catch. Traces of white were seen on an otherwise shiny and well-groomed beard. The cloaked figure had a small frame to him and though the hood of the cloak prevented the curious villagers from having a good look, it did not prevent them from seeing the wrinkles of age on the man's face. There was an eerie feeling about him, aided even more by the darkening world as the sun set. Nonetheless, the man had an aura that demanded attention and respect.

"May we help you, old man?", asked one person. Everyone held their breath, and for mere seconds, time froze a little as they wished beyond their wildest dreams that the stranger would understand the local tongue.

"I ask for nothing but bread and mead, and a bosom should you have a pair or two to spare," the man's voice was soft and withdrawn, as mysterious as his appearance.

"Aye, you don't even have to ask. You must be new here, Mordis folks are well-known for their hospitality. We'll be happy to provide you with guest rights," the relief was evident in the village smith's voice. He continued, "...but what is this bosom you speak of?"

This caught the old man off guard for a moment but was quick to regain his composure. "Never mind lads, your guest rites are good enough for a tired traveler in a foreign land."

"Old man, you will have the finest bread we eat and the sweetest wine we drink for as long as you wish to stay with us...," another villager chimed in. There were nods of agreement over the crowd that gathered. Some of the women and the children had now joined to see the commotion.

"That is very kind of you, villagers. You have already given me more than a stranger could ask for," and the old man took off his hood, "But please, call me Acyof (pronounced Achiof). And Lo! I beg of you, why are your females not covering their bodies waist up?"

Even in the midst of the exchange and the sincere concern in his eyes, the crowd got a good look at this strange human. Not only did he ask for unknown gifts from simple fisher folk, he began questioning the appearance of the village females. A normal sane person would have recoiled in horror at this intrusion by a complete stranger, but Alas, not the folks of Mordis, who were neither normal nor sane. They were the children of the sea. They were of salt and tuna.

As the crowd murmured amongst themselves, unable to reason why the women bared their chests, an elderly man walked up to them. Dressed in an old black cloak, white shoulder length hair and a grey beard that was in disarray. Acyof could safely guess this old man was the village Elder as the crowd parted part to let the old man through. The newcomer walked slowly with the aid of a walking staff, each step threatening to give his knees away under the weight.

"Good morrow, Acyof. I am the village Elder, Heebi Jeebis," Heebi Jeebis smiled at Acyof and extended his hand.

"My heartfelt thanks to you, Elder Heebi Jeebis," Acyof took the Elder's bony hand and shook it. Acyof noted that as old as Heebi Jeebis was, he had a strong grip.

"I open my house for you and it would bring great honor on House Jeebis to provide you with all your needs."

With that, Heebi Jeebis turned around and walked away from the shore and onward to the busy streets. Acyof followed close behind to his new home.

The coconut, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen.

Chapter 5:

Acyof woke up in the middle of the night. It took him a while to realize he has been asleep for some time. The bedside lantern had gone out sometime after he slept and since the moon had set, it was pitch black. Acyof was staring into the darkness wondering why he woke up suddenly when he heard a soft tapping outside. Someone was there. The tapping was steady. Same interval between each tap. Not getting loud either. Cautious, with nothing but his trustworthy walking staff in hand, Acyof slowly walked out of the back door. And there he saw it!

A shadow was lurking in the corner, facing the wall. Its arms were moving back and forth. Thinking it must be a bandit after his money, Acyof wasted no time. He swung the staff at the mysterious figure, all his strength behind the blow. THUD!!! The figure collapsed onto the ground. Startled.

"SPEAK YOUR NAME, BRUTE, BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A SEAXAN!"

What happened next shocked Acyof. The mystery man started crying loudly. Throughout his life as a traveler, he had never seen a grown man breakdown in front of him and start crying this way.

"Oh come on! It was a jape. I do not know magic," Acyof tried to reassure the wailing man before him.

"I'm very sorry Ser, Acyof," the man said in between sobs. "I was just performing my nightly ritual and..."

Acyof's eyes widened as the realization hit him. "You what, you filthy creature? I should beat you up for this! I don't care what your reason is," Acyof raised his staff threateningly.

"No no. This is not what it seems," the man was on his knees now. "I was going to the toilet and I could not undo the knot on my robe," I was fiddling with it when you knocked me to the ground, Ser. Please don't turn me into no Seaxan. I beg of you!" And with that, the man broke again into hysterical sobs.

"Fear not my strange friend. I would not hurt a single hair of your body."

The scared man got to his feet and shaking the sand off his elbow looked at Acyof and gave a toothy grin, "I am Usel Ess Idiot (pronounced Yoosel As Eediyoth) the..."

"...let me guess, the village fool?" Acyof interrupted.

"Yes! You are so smart, Ser."

"Please, call me Acyof. Nice to meet you Usel," Acyof exclaimed and shook the hand of his newly found fool of a friend.

The unlikely friends laughed out loud while they reenacted the scene of their meeting when the first rooster doodled its cock.

Chapter 17:

Acyof returned home that night after hanging out with his friend Usel. The scene that greeted him would have taken the heart of him, "My friends, your faces take the heart of me. You must tell me what is wrong."

Heebi Jeebis took Acyof aside and whispered in his year, "My daughter, my little Dhaleyka, has been taken as a sacrifice to the sea monster," tears were falling from Heebi Jeebis' eyes as he told of what happened. "On each full moon we have to pick one virgin from the village and send her as a sacrifice to the sea monster. We leave her at the Great Temple in Male. This way, the sea monster spares the people of Mordis until the next full moon."

"No need to worry, my good friend Heebi Jeebis!" Acyof took the Elder's hand in his. "I will save your daughter. I vow on my flamboyant beard that I will."

"Why would you do such a thing for a complete stranger?" Heebi Jeebis could not believe his ears.

At this, Acyof smiled, his eyes full of life and whispered, "For what is a man who cannot help his fellow man but the man who brings a smile to others?"

Heebi Jeebis' face lit up. "May your children be wise and rule the worlds!"

"Please make sure my words about helping our fellow men reach my children. Let these words be my legacy." Acyof had a distant look in his eyes. Acyof has already began to suspect in his heart that this quest would cost him his life.

"But Acyof, it was only figurative speech. You have no children."

"I know, but you will see them soon enough, my Lord," Acyof said with a wink, "I must hasten for there is little time till the full moon rises."

Heebi Jeebis looked on as Acyof turned and left the house, with his walking staff in hand. The black cloak danced in the wind. Echoing the moods of all around him. "Farewell, my friend. May the Gods be with you," Heebi Jeebis prayed as he looked up to the heavens.

Chapter 39:

(After a long journey through the mountains and under the sea with Usel...)

Acyof ran into the mausoleum and saw Dhaleyka lying on the sacrificial stone, naked as the day she was born, crying softly. Acyof walked slowly towards the sacrificial mound. Monster or no monster, Acyof knew that no woman deserved such a fate. Everything was in slow motion now. Acyof could hear his heart skip a few beats as he finally reached the stairs to the stone table. Acyof knew what he would see before he even took the steps. Acyof took off his cloak and took in the full form of the beautiful Dhaleyka before him as he got close and raised his cloak to cover her. Outside, the waves were crashing on the break water, joyous and full of glee under the shimmering moonlight.

Chapter 70:

Acyof stepped back after he covered Dhaleyka. "Fear not my lady. My good friend Usel will take you to safety."

With that Acyof sat on the table as he saw Dhaleyka meet with Usel at the door of the mausoleum. Without as much as a backward glance, they were gone. A few minutes after they left, Acyof heard footsteps. It was not as loud as he expected. When the would be monster appeared, Acyof cried out in disbelief. It was King Namaari!

"What in the Light's name is this?!" Acyof exclaimed. "Your majesty, have you been raping and killing the virgins by using the guise of a sea monster?"

"What the deuce? Why is a man here? Guards! GUARDS!!" King Namaari was beyond bewilderment.

"Your Kingsguard won't save you tonight my Lord," Acyof said grabbing his walking staff as the Kingsguard surrounded him, swords in hand.

Chapter 94:

(After a hard-fought and long climactic battle...)

"Have mercy....," King Namaari cried. He was sweating profusely as the realization hit him that all his guards have been slain by the awesome and handsome hero.

"Fear me not my King, for I will not kill you."

"But why..? Why spare me, stranger? Kill me and at least save my face in front of my people. Let me die an honorable death" The mighty Namaari, the Lord of the Oceans, the holder of the Tuna, was on his hands and knees.

"Embrace the Light, my King. That's all I ask of you. And spread the Light to the people. And base everything you do on the Light, for now and forever!" Acyof walked close to the King and knelt down. "My King, tell the people that I fought with the monster valiantly and killed it despite taking a great many wounds. Tell the people my body was lost into the sea. The people need you as their King."

Tears were rolling down King Namaari's royal cheeks as he nodded.

"My Royal Lord, please tell Heebi Jeebis to travel to the lands of his father, Bod Umanzar and to study magic, for a day might come Middle Earth would depend on him. He knows his destiny and he cannot escape it. Maybe that was why I chanced to be in Mordis to begin with. My Liege, ask Dhaleyka to take care of my child and as my last request, ask Usel to find me."

King Namaari looked gravely as he weighed the requests. "If only it was under other conditions, in another time, on another night, I would have made you the Hand of the King, Acyof. Fear not, I shall not let the people of Mordis fall. I will lead our people to the Light."

"Our people. Our people my Lord...And I would have followed you, my brother...my captain...my king." Acyof got up and walked away, his black cloak flapping in the wind. And he walked into the darkness beyond the mausoleum.

"What...what shall I tell the people the monster was?" The king said to himself.

"Rannamaari, my Lord....so that no one would suspect you...," Acyof's last words echoed as he disappeared into the night, never to be seen or heard of again.

Far away from Mordis, by the banks of a river, a coconut washes ashore, covered with barnacles and moss.

Epilogue:

Centuries have passed since the fateful night at Male and Mordis embraced the Light.

In the Royal Palace, within the confines of a filthy dungeon, the great great great grand daughter of Dhaleyka, plans to murder her second husband and ascend to the Throne of Mordis.

Out in the jungles of the forests of Bhārat, Usel Ess Idiot the Sixth looks for his great great great grandfather's best friend's heir along with his friend Thakur, whose family, unbeknownst to either of them, would one day play a pivotal role in saving Mordis from the Eagles of the Ocean.

Somewhere in a secret place, far beyond the peering eyes of all living things, nineteen hooded figures huddle around a fire. A twentieth figure joins them. Dressed in an old grey cloak, white shoulder length hair and a grey beard that was in disarray. The hooded figures part to let the old man through. The newcomer walks slowly with the aid of a walking staff, each step threatening to give his knees away under the weight. "It is good to see you all here once again, friends. Let us start shall we?" Heebi Jeebis the Grey whispers.

And far beyond the forests and the mountains of Middle Earth, far beneath the deepest depths of the oceans, a dark power awakens...

THE END