Tuesday, October 8, 2013

the coconut: the desolation of an unexpected journey to there and back

Prologue:

It began long ago in a land far away to the east, the like of which you will not find in the world today. There was the city of Male, its markets known far and wide, full of the bounties of vine and vale, peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-Earth: Mordis, stronghold of Namaari, King of the Sea and mightiest of the Kraken-Lords. Namaari ruled with utter surety, never doubting his house would endure, for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson.

Ah, Usef...Male'! (pronounced Yoosef) From deep within the ocean itself, the beauty of this island city was legend. Its wealth lay in the ocean in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone. The skill of the Krakens was unequaled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of corals, fish bones, rock, and sand. Ever they delved deep, down into the dark and that is where they found it, the Heart of the Ocean...the Tuna. Namaari named it the King's Jewel, he took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was divine. All would pay homage to him, even the great Human King Bod Umanzar (pronounced Bodh Umaanzar). But the years of peace and plenty was not to last. Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in. Namaari's love of tuna grown too fierce and sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow...

Chapter 1:

It was a day like any other in the lands of Mordis. The sky was azure blue, the ocean dark blue, the sun an orangish-blue, you get the picture. The gulls sang their jubilant songs as the waves washed ashore broken corals, dead leaves and branches, and a coconut covered with seaweed; an ancient sign of things to come. The fisher folk of this small village set about with their daily musings paying no heed to what the waves washed upon the shores. The folks of Mordis were simple and did not care about the goings-on in Middle Earth or about ancient signs. They were a proud bunch of people and prefer their quiet lives. Little did they know, that the forthcoming days would be different. In fact it would be very different, for a man from foreign lands was going to join them tonight for supper. No one knows who or where this stranger came from. Dressed in a white cloak, carrying a bag and unarmed save for his walking staff, the alien stood at the piers as the folks returned with their catch. Traces of white were seen on an otherwise shiny and well-groomed beard. The cloaked figure had a small frame to him and though the hood of the cloak prevented the curious villagers from having a good look, it did not prevent them from seeing the wrinkles of age on the man's face. There was an eerie feeling about him, aided even more by the darkening world as the sun set. Nonetheless, the man had an aura that demanded attention and respect.

"May we help you, old man?", asked one person. Everyone held their breath, and for mere seconds, time froze a little as they wished beyond their wildest dreams that the stranger would understand the local tongue.

"I ask for nothing but bread and mead, and a bosom should you have a pair or two to spare," the man's voice was soft and withdrawn, as mysterious as his appearance.

"Aye, you don't even have to ask. You must be new here, Mordis folks are well-known for their hospitality. We'll be happy to provide you with guest rights," the relief was evident in the village smith's voice. He continued, "...but what is this bosom you speak of?"

This caught the old man off guard for a moment but was quick to regain his composure. "Never mind lads, your guest rites are good enough for a tired traveler in a foreign land."

"Old man, you will have the finest bread we eat and the sweetest wine we drink for as long as you wish to stay with us...," another villager chimed in. There were nods of agreement over the crowd that gathered. Some of the women and the children had now joined to see the commotion.

"That is very kind of you, villagers. You have already given me more than a stranger could ask for," and the old man took off his hood, "But please, call me Acyof (pronounced Achiof). And Lo! I beg of you, why are your females not covering their bodies waist up?"

Even in the midst of the exchange and the sincere concern in his eyes, the crowd got a good look at this strange human. Not only did he ask for unknown gifts from simple fisher folk, he began questioning the appearance of the village females. A normal sane person would have recoiled in horror at this intrusion by a complete stranger, but Alas, not the folks of Mordis, who were neither normal nor sane. They were the children of the sea. They were of salt and tuna.

As the crowd murmured amongst themselves, unable to reason why the women bared their chests, an elderly man walked up to them. Dressed in an old black cloak, white shoulder length hair and a grey beard that was in disarray. Acyof could safely guess this old man was the village Elder as the crowd parted part to let the old man through. The newcomer walked slowly with the aid of a walking staff, each step threatening to give his knees away under the weight.

"Good morrow, Acyof. I am the village Elder, Heebi Jeebis," Heebi Jeebis smiled at Acyof and extended his hand.

"My heartfelt thanks to you, Elder Heebi Jeebis," Acyof took the Elder's bony hand and shook it. Acyof noted that as old as Heebi Jeebis was, he had a strong grip.

"I open my house for you and it would bring great honor on House Jeebis to provide you with all your needs."

With that, Heebi Jeebis turned around and walked away from the shore and onward to the busy streets. Acyof followed close behind to his new home.

The coconut, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen.

Chapter 5:

Acyof woke up in the middle of the night. It took him a while to realize he has been asleep for some time. The bedside lantern had gone out sometime after he slept and since the moon had set, it was pitch black. Acyof was staring into the darkness wondering why he woke up suddenly when he heard a soft tapping outside. Someone was there. The tapping was steady. Same interval between each tap. Not getting loud either. Cautious, with nothing but his trustworthy walking staff in hand, Acyof slowly walked out of the back door. And there he saw it!

A shadow was lurking in the corner, facing the wall. Its arms were moving back and forth. Thinking it must be a bandit after his money, Acyof wasted no time. He swung the staff at the mysterious figure, all his strength behind the blow. THUD!!! The figure collapsed onto the ground. Startled.

"SPEAK YOUR NAME, BRUTE, BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A SEAXAN!"

What happened next shocked Acyof. The mystery man started crying loudly. Throughout his life as a traveler, he had never seen a grown man breakdown in front of him and start crying this way.

"Oh come on! It was a jape. I do not know magic," Acyof tried to reassure the wailing man before him.

"I'm very sorry Ser, Acyof," the man said in between sobs. "I was just performing my nightly ritual and..."

Acyof's eyes widened as the realization hit him. "You what, you filthy creature? I should beat you up for this! I don't care what your reason is," Acyof raised his staff threateningly.

"No no. This is not what it seems," the man was on his knees now. "I was going to the toilet and I could not undo the knot on my robe," I was fiddling with it when you knocked me to the ground, Ser. Please don't turn me into no Seaxan. I beg of you!" And with that, the man broke again into hysterical sobs.

"Fear not my strange friend. I would not hurt a single hair of your body."

The scared man got to his feet and shaking the sand off his elbow looked at Acyof and gave a toothy grin, "I am Usel Ess Idiot (pronounced Yoosel As Eediyoth) the..."

"...let me guess, the village fool?" Acyof interrupted.

"Yes! You are so smart, Ser."

"Please, call me Acyof. Nice to meet you Usel," Acyof exclaimed and shook the hand of his newly found fool of a friend.

The unlikely friends laughed out loud while they reenacted the scene of their meeting when the first rooster doodled its cock.

Chapter 17:

Acyof returned home that night after hanging out with his friend Usel. The scene that greeted him would have taken the heart of him, "My friends, your faces take the heart of me. You must tell me what is wrong."

Heebi Jeebis took Acyof aside and whispered in his year, "My daughter, my little Dhaleyka, has been taken as a sacrifice to the sea monster," tears were falling from Heebi Jeebis' eyes as he told of what happened. "On each full moon we have to pick one virgin from the village and send her as a sacrifice to the sea monster. We leave her at the Great Temple in Male. This way, the sea monster spares the people of Mordis until the next full moon."

"No need to worry, my good friend Heebi Jeebis!" Acyof took the Elder's hand in his. "I will save your daughter. I vow on my flamboyant beard that I will."

"Why would you do such a thing for a complete stranger?" Heebi Jeebis could not believe his ears.

At this, Acyof smiled, his eyes full of life and whispered, "For what is a man who cannot help his fellow man but the man who brings a smile to others?"

Heebi Jeebis' face lit up. "May your children be wise and rule the worlds!"

"Please make sure my words about helping our fellow men reach my children. Let these words be my legacy." Acyof had a distant look in his eyes. Acyof has already began to suspect in his heart that this quest would cost him his life.

"But Acyof, it was only figurative speech. You have no children."

"I know, but you will see them soon enough, my Lord," Acyof said with a wink, "I must hasten for there is little time till the full moon rises."

Heebi Jeebis looked on as Acyof turned and left the house, with his walking staff in hand. The black cloak danced in the wind. Echoing the moods of all around him. "Farewell, my friend. May the Gods be with you," Heebi Jeebis prayed as he looked up to the heavens.

Chapter 39:

(After a long journey through the mountains and under the sea with Usel...)

Acyof ran into the mausoleum and saw Dhaleyka lying on the sacrificial stone, naked as the day she was born, crying softly. Acyof walked slowly towards the sacrificial mound. Monster or no monster, Acyof knew that no woman deserved such a fate. Everything was in slow motion now. Acyof could hear his heart skip a few beats as he finally reached the stairs to the stone table. Acyof knew what he would see before he even took the steps. Acyof took off his cloak and took in the full form of the beautiful Dhaleyka before him as he got close and raised his cloak to cover her. Outside, the waves were crashing on the break water, joyous and full of glee under the shimmering moonlight.

Chapter 70:

Acyof stepped back after he covered Dhaleyka. "Fear not my lady. My good friend Usel will take you to safety."

With that Acyof sat on the table as he saw Dhaleyka meet with Usel at the door of the mausoleum. Without as much as a backward glance, they were gone. A few minutes after they left, Acyof heard footsteps. It was not as loud as he expected. When the would be monster appeared, Acyof cried out in disbelief. It was King Namaari!

"What in the Light's name is this?!" Acyof exclaimed. "Your majesty, have you been raping and killing the virgins by using the guise of a sea monster?"

"What the deuce? Why is a man here? Guards! GUARDS!!" King Namaari was beyond bewilderment.

"Your Kingsguard won't save you tonight my Lord," Acyof said grabbing his walking staff as the Kingsguard surrounded him, swords in hand.

Chapter 94:

(After a hard-fought and long climactic battle...)

"Have mercy....," King Namaari cried. He was sweating profusely as the realization hit him that all his guards have been slain by the awesome and handsome hero.

"Fear me not my King, for I will not kill you."

"But why..? Why spare me, stranger? Kill me and at least save my face in front of my people. Let me die an honorable death" The mighty Namaari, the Lord of the Oceans, the holder of the Tuna, was on his hands and knees.

"Embrace the Light, my King. That's all I ask of you. And spread the Light to the people. And base everything you do on the Light, for now and forever!" Acyof walked close to the King and knelt down. "My King, tell the people that I fought with the monster valiantly and killed it despite taking a great many wounds. Tell the people my body was lost into the sea. The people need you as their King."

Tears were rolling down King Namaari's royal cheeks as he nodded.

"My Royal Lord, please tell Heebi Jeebis to travel to the lands of his father, Bod Umanzar and to study magic, for a day might come Middle Earth would depend on him. He knows his destiny and he cannot escape it. Maybe that was why I chanced to be in Mordis to begin with. My Liege, ask Dhaleyka to take care of my child and as my last request, ask Usel to find me."

King Namaari looked gravely as he weighed the requests. "If only it was under other conditions, in another time, on another night, I would have made you the Hand of the King, Acyof. Fear not, I shall not let the people of Mordis fall. I will lead our people to the Light."

"Our people. Our people my Lord...And I would have followed you, my brother...my captain...my king." Acyof got up and walked away, his black cloak flapping in the wind. And he walked into the darkness beyond the mausoleum.

"What...what shall I tell the people the monster was?" The king said to himself.

"Rannamaari, my Lord....so that no one would suspect you...," Acyof's last words echoed as he disappeared into the night, never to be seen or heard of again.

Far away from Mordis, by the banks of a river, a coconut washes ashore, covered with barnacles and moss.

Epilogue:

Centuries have passed since the fateful night at Male and Mordis embraced the Light.

In the Royal Palace, within the confines of a filthy dungeon, the great great great grand daughter of Dhaleyka, plans to murder her second husband and ascend to the Throne of Mordis.

Out in the jungles of the forests of Bhārat, Usel Ess Idiot the Sixth looks for his great great great grandfather's best friend's heir along with his friend Thakur, whose family, unbeknownst to either of them, would one day play a pivotal role in saving Mordis from the Eagles of the Ocean.

Somewhere in a secret place, far beyond the peering eyes of all living things, nineteen hooded figures huddle around a fire. A twentieth figure joins them. Dressed in an old grey cloak, white shoulder length hair and a grey beard that was in disarray. The hooded figures part to let the old man through. The newcomer walks slowly with the aid of a walking staff, each step threatening to give his knees away under the weight. "It is good to see you all here once again, friends. Let us start shall we?" Heebi Jeebis the Grey whispers.

And far beyond the forests and the mountains of Middle Earth, far beneath the deepest depths of the oceans, a dark power awakens...

THE END

Monday, June 3, 2013

criminal court sentences serial donor to life imprisonment

The Criminal Court sentenced a serial donor to life imprisonment earlier today. The convict, who pleaded guilty to multiple accounts of donations to charity throughout the nation, will be transferred to the detention and correction facility in Male' City, where he will undergo a pre-life imprisonment medical checkup prior to commencing his sentence.

 

Following a lengthy investigation and a lengthier trial, which the authorities call a 'long battle', the sentence paved way to the impending trials of similar nature. Speaking at a press conference after the trial, the Commissioner of Police said that the hammer of justice would not pardon offenders. "Lately there has been an increase in the rate of crime of various nature. Mind you! We will leave no rock upturned in the fight against crime," he said in what would surely be the authority's biggest challenge to crime syndicates over the country. "We will not...I repeat, the Police will not take lightly...even if it's a simple case of returning a lost wallet to its owner!" The commissioner's threat comes as no surprise since the resurgence of criminal activities in the capital and in the outlying islands, have the citizens living in fear.

Just seventy-two hours earlier, a man previously convicted of helping an elderly cross a road, was caught while holding the door open for a couple at a store. Fortunately, the security guard at the store apprehended the man before he could keep the door open any longer. According to one of the eye witnesses on hand, repeat offenders are what scares her the most. "I just saw a convict walking freely and breaking the law again! Is this how tax payers' money is spent by the government?," the mortified woman told the reporters.

the promised hammer of justice and/or thor

The Minister of Home Affairs was unavailable for any comments. However, a senior official within the ministry; on condition of complete anonymity, confided to the reporters that the recent incidents is just the tip of the iceberg. According to the official, the Police recently uncovered a group of volunteers who went about donating blood to orphans. "I don't know why, but the Police is keeping the lid shut on this case," the official  was quoted as saying. When questioned, the Chief of Intelligence of Police said that the case was still under investigation and that the authorities were working to bring all involved to answer in the court of law. "The roots in this case go beyond the scope of a single group and we have enough evidence to suspect that there are very powerful men behind the operation of these 'terror' networks."

The public has been calling for swifter action by the government and has been calling for the resignation of the judges at the Criminal Court and the Supreme Court. "What can we do? We judge on the evidence presented to us," said the Chief Justice of the Criminal Court during a press conference. "We have told the Police and the prosecutors to give us enough evidence to pass the sentence. If not, our hands are tied behind our backs."

However, the Chief Judge's comments must be taken with a pinch of salt. During the infamous case from November last year, the State tried a suspect who was caught on camera thanking a waiter. The video footage caught on the CCTV camera at the restaurant was presented as evidence at the court and the judge claimed the evidence was not enough to prove that the man was guilty 'beyond reasonable doubt' and judged the man not guilty of committing the heinous crime. During the appeal, even more infamous because it was the third time in the history of the Maldives that the Attorney General presented a case, many eyewitnesses gave testimonies regarding the act of terror. Some eyewitnesses gave testimonies behind close doors with their voices altered to prevent any potential backlashes from the suspect or his associates. In one of the most shocking trials in the country to date, the suspect promised in God's name that he committed no such crimes. "I agree I have done many wrong things in my life. Once...I even helped a little boy stand up after he slipped and fell on the road...but, Allah as my witness, I have never ever said 'thank you' to the waiter in question." Had the State used his confession, the suspect could have faced life imprisonment and quite possibly the death sentence for the crime he previously committed. Nonetheless, due to the reluctance of the authorities, the case eventually fell through and the man walked free.

Whilst the public's outcry goes unheard, the deteriorating respect to law and order within the country continues to this day. It is sad that the crime population is not only limited to males. Just few days after the former incident, a female teacher was caught red-handed while helping a student with a lesson. Fortunately, to the relief of the school and the outraged parents, the teacher pleaded guilty and was sentenced to six months of house arrest. A 'small victory', as put forth by one parent, and yet, such victories are enough to ensure the public that the country will soon become peaceful once again and we would face the promising future hand in hand.

Until next time. Adios...

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Y U NO LSD?

Note: The following post has been inspired by true and actual events that literally happened.

Congresses, tribunals, and 'black' walks summarize the curry pot of a country I call a home. To top it all of, we had a few cases of some suspected youths suspectedly 'dying' after suspiciously overdosing on what the Police suspects is fake LSD or, as it is more commonly known, acid. Needless to say, being the overzealous human that I am, I jumped into the foray to find out what has befallen the youth of my country. And in my ordeal that took me beyond my wildest dreams of half-eaten zombies and molested unicorns, I stumbled upon a dealer who offered me what I suspect, was LSD. Not to blow my cover, I talked to him as I tried to understand the inner workings of the human mind on LSD. Following is the actual conversation I had with Ghiyash (not his actual name) as I dove deep into this endeavor.

[begin record]
Ghiyash: Yo man! Want some totally real LSD? It's real, I promise.
Me: Gimmie!
Ghiyash: It's real and not fake, you know. Totally not laced with cheap poisonous ingredients.
Me: Awesome!
Ghiyash: Visit my back alley dealing spot for pick-up.
Me: That's good and all that, but most importantly, will it make me high?
Ghiyash: I can't tell that because what am I? A doctor? I am just unwashed, probably diseased drug dealer and I'm totally reliable because even kids trust me enough to buy from me.
Me: But the shit is not fake, right?
Ghiyash: Totally fake. I mean not fake. Can you repeat the question?
Me: Is this shit fake?
Ghiyash: Of course not! Would I do that to a customer? Your well-being is important to me. This is premium deluxe quality gourmet LSD, man!
Me: Excellent. What's the price?
Ghiyash: I don't know...how do you sell LSD? In kilos? Or is it like, 2 LSDs for something rufiyaa or something? Buy one get one free, maybe? Or some shit like that...
Me: Do you mean that I buy 1 LSD for the price of 2 and get 1 LSD free?
Ghiyash: Nice. Yes. I like that! I mean...that's what I meant.
Me: So we have a deal?
Ghiyash: Good good! Let me find a nice dark and dirty back alley to deal in.
Me: Alright. I will bring the dough.
Ghiyash: Nooo. Bring money.
Me: Dough = money in drug lord's language. But...I'm doubtful.. Are you sure that you're selling real LSD?
Ghiyash: Man, this is the BEST BEST quality. Only, like, a little rat poison added for flavor. But that's it. For serious.
Me: Alright.
Ghiyash: Maybe some bleach for good measure... But that. Is. It.
Me: So let me get this straight. Just bleach and rat poison. Nothing more?
Ghiyash: Of course nothing more! Who do you take me for, a fraud? How dare you, sir! I have a good mind to take my business elsewhere!
Me: Many apologies. Please continue.
Ghiyash: It's just rat poison, bleach and arsenic in my LSD which is premium deluxe gourmet!
Me: Wait wait! Arsenic? You must be pulling my leg!
Ghiyash: Oh, didn't I tell you about that? It's added for color, mate!
Me: Aaah.
Ghiyash: You'll enjoy it. 
Me: Just for color. Alright.
Ghiyash: And after taking this, you'll be pulling your own leg.
Me: Awesome! I might buy an extra stash if it is as good as you say. Man, I wish I had a room.
Ghiyash: You don't need a room to take my LSD in.
Me: This is just for good measure in case I have to lay low.
Ghiyash: Not to worry, it's packed in emptied cyanide capsule. It's mostly free of cyanide, of course.
Me: At this rate, I'll have to pay an arm and a leg.
Ghiyash: But you're getting a free LSD when you buy one for the price of two! It's a sweet deal!
Me: It's a deal then. I will drop the money at... [end of record]

Until next time. Adios...