the princess and the dragon

image courtesy of http://galefraney.wordpress.com/2008/09/15/princess-and-the-dragon-card/

Long time ago, in a faraway land, there lived a princess. She was the second child of the proud king and queen of the kingdom of Gaisha. They lost their first child, a handsome boy, long time ago and thus, the new baby seemed like their first child again. They named her Kahlan and she was very beautiful. On the day she was born, the whole kingdom was merry with joy and laughter. All the people got off from work early to decorate the entire kingdom in preparation for the birth of their future queen. Old and young alike were dancing and singing on the streets. Flags were raised everywhere and fireworks filled the night sky. The atmosphere was alive, full of happiness… enough to bring back the dead!

Suddenly, the sky went dark. All the fireworks that were going ‘BOOM’ in the sky went quiet. As the people looked around wondering what was going on, a tall man wearing a cloak as dark as night itself walked into the room. But wait, he was not touching the ground! It was as if he was walking on air. He looked around as he made his way, walking in midair, towards the throne where the king and queen sat clutching their daughter tightly. The stranger’s face was blank. It showed no emotion. Once he reached the king he said, “Oh my King.” His voice was loud. Like his face, it had no emotion. “It’s nice to see you so happy with your daughter,” he continued. “My dear King, I want your daughter. I want to raise her so that she will become my queen.” The king got very angry hearing this and yelled, “GUARDS! Arrest this man!”

All the guards in the castle came running towards the man with their swords and lances ready to kill the man who was threatening to take away their princess. But alas, the man just waved his finger and all the guards stopped moving. They were frozen in place as if being held by invisible chains. “HAHAHA,” the man laughed… his first sign of emotion. It was haunting and evil. “I am a wizard and no one can stop me my dear and foolish king.” He looked around as he said this and the people cowered under his cold and evil stare. “Give me what I want and I will not harm anyone… or else!!” His voice boomed through the whole castle. At these words, the queen broke down crying. She could not even imagine the pain of losing her baby princess. “You cannot have her… you evil man..,” she exclaimed through her sobs. The evil wizard roared with laughter and came towards the queen. “Get out of my way dear queen,” he warned. With a wave of his fingers he made the baby fly into his hand. “NOOOOO…,” the queen cried out with so much pain and sorrow but the wizard paid no attention and turned around to leave the castle. People were crying now, not knowing what would happen to them.

All of a sudden, the whole sky went bright. People covered their eyes at the light that filled the darkness that the wizard brought. When they opened their eyes, they saw a dragon flying in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing anyone ever saw. Its body was blue, pink, and green. The dragon was flapping its wings to stay and it reflected the light in all the directions bringing out a frenzy of colors. “MY NAME IS MODENA AND I AM GOING TO STOP YOU,” the dragon bellowed as it landed on the castle grounds. The wizard was suddenly struck with fear. He tried to smile at the dragon and said, “I did not mean any harm.” Modena stared at the wizard with his bright red eyes as if he didn’t believe a word the evil wizard said. The wizard sensed this and looked around quickly trying to find a way to flee with the princess.

The wizard suddenly jumped into the air and tried to fly away from the castle. Modena flapped his wings and lifted off to follow him. When the wizard sensed the dragon following him, he turned around and waved his free hand towards the dragon. Out of nowhere, chains popped out of the sky and wrapped around the dragon. Modena roared loudly and broke free and flew towards the wizard who was escaping. But wait… the chains were alive!! They were like snakes. The chains had mouths on its ends and he could hear it hiss as it chased after Modena. Modena paid no attention to this and tried to save the baby princess. He thought about breathing fire but he could not do anything to the wizard because he might hurt the baby. Modena felt a sudden tug on his leg and saw that the chains had caught up to him. One of it was biting on his leg and wrapped itself around him. The next chain got a hold of his other leg. Modena thought that he could not give up and used all of his energy and grabbed the chains with his hand. Once he got a hold of the chains, he threw it in the air and blasted a big breath of fire. The people on the ground could see the fire. It wasn’t like any normal fire they saw. It was bright bluish white with a slightly red outline. They could hear the chains hiss as if in pain when the flame hit it. When Modena stopped breathing fire, there were no signs of the chain. He was free and continued to chase after the wizard. He caught up to the wizard and roared, “UNHAND HER!!” “As you wish…,” the wizard replied with an evil grin and dropped the baby.

Modena roared with anger and slashed across the wizards face with his sharp claws. The blow made the wizard faint and the wizard fell to the ground. Modena looked down in horror as he saw the baby heading towards the ground. He dove down… using all of his strength, flapping his wings wildly, gasping for air and praying for luck. People were gathering on the ground looking in horror at what might happen. Modena didn’t want to give up. He was too close to saving the baby. The ground was coming closer and with one final burst of energy Modena leapt forward and got his hand on the baby! Modena held the baby tightly. There were sighs of relief from the crowd below but it soon turned to horror again as they realized that the dragon cannot stop now. Modena was too close to the ground that he couldn’t change his direction. He hugged the baby against his chest as he crashed on the ground with a loud and thunderous THUD!!

The ground shook and the people gathered around the dragon. The king and queen ran up to the dragon wondering what the fate of their child was. As they neared Modena, who was on his back slightly moving, they heard the baby’s cry. The queen went up to the dragon and grabbed the baby and held her as if she would never let her go. The king came up to the dragon and thanked him over and over again. The king asked, “Dear dragon, why did you risk your life to save Kahlan’s life?” Modena looked at the king and smiled, “Because Kahlan is my baby sister and I am your long lost son father.” The king was surprised but very happy to hear that. Suddenly there was another bright light and Modena disappeared. Instead, there was a handsome boy lying there. He got up and looked around at his mother and father. “The evil wizard turned me into a dragon and I wanted to save my sister from the same thing.” The queen came and hugged her son while everyone clapped and cheered, for the future for the kingdom of Gaisha looked bright once more.

Well, I wanted to give you all something different and hope you enjoyed. Adios...

things the world would be better off without

As Sebastian says, the human world is a mess. There are many needless garbage we need to throw out. Yes, I said NEEDLESS garbage because some garbage can be recycled, reused, or even refurbished. However, this is a list of things that wouldn't even be useful as garbage. It would ultimately give garbage a bad name. If garbage used things, and threw away its garbage, it would still be.. oops.. I went on a tangent there. Sorry folks. Wait. Why am I apologizing? It's my blog. Oops I did it again! Anyway, below are some things, in no particular order, that the world would be better off without.

1. Edward the-gampire Cullen

edward cullen- the boy who died

It's hard not to root for the hero in a movie, but our flamboyant vampire makes me wish otherwise. Dude, you got casted as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. Now that suits you more. You thought you had all the glory, but bloody Harry Potter stole your thunder and you ended up being collateral damage. If twilight was like that, who knows what would have happened? And what's with that skin of yours? You look like a freaking glitter pen came all over you! Alright, you got me. I use a glitter pen. So sue me!

 2. Politicians

think this picture is taking it a tad bit too far?

I did that thing that psychologists do with word association. When I said the word politicians out loud, my inner voice said Satan. Hence, the picture. I don't wanna write anything about politicians because their hopcrisy and their sadistic nature is general knowledge. It's not even good for trivia.

3. (spelling pending approval)

I spent more time googling this picture than writing this post

Ok.. So I wanted to get a picture of our self claimed 'super star' and I had to try so many spellings before I got a hold of his picture. Sheesh! If you're gonna claim stardom, atleast spell your name the same way twice. Season, Seazun, Seazan, Seasun, Seasan, Czun, Czan, Czun, Seesan, Seesun, Seeson, Ctzun, Ctzan, and Ctzun are some names I tried before I got a hit. Unbelievable!

4. Justin Beiber

 meh

I'll be honest. I don't even know this kid. I hate him just for the hell of it. Are you seriously wearing a purple sweater while showing the peace symbol? The Palestinians called. They want you to stop using the peace symbol to fix your feminine hormone rush. If I see you in person while making that gesture, I'll make you swallow your own peace symbol. Peace out dude!

5. The Teletubbies

awww look at you all. so happy and witty. DIE!! DIE!!!!! 

You may argue I hate them because I am no longer a kid. I hated it as a kid! Screw the people who tell me that cartoons are stupid because it's not real. Seriously? Having grown men in some gay costume running around talking like drunk lunatics is real? AAAARRRRGGGGHH!! I am too angry to write even..

(after sometime to cool off)

If you know me at all, you'd realize someone is missing on this list. Yes it's

6. Barney

a purple T-Rex? what will they think of next?

My hatred of Barney lies right within my core. The day I look at Barney with any sort of good will is the day I shoot myself. To convey how much I despise this abomination to all the dinosaurs, I will write a little song. It goes to the tune of the song 'Heigh-Ho' from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

We kill kill kill kill kill kill kill at home the whole day through

To kill kill kill kill kill kill kill is what we really like to do

It ain't that hard to kill him quick

If you kill kill kill with a shovel or a pick

In his bed! In his bed! In his bed! In his bed!

Where Barney sits and whines

We kill kill kill kill kill kill kill from early morn till night
We kill kill kill kill kill kill kill till we know he has died

We hold him up by his throat

A thousand tears, sometimes more

But we don't know what we kill him for

We kill kill kill a-kill kill

 

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It's off to kill we go

(whistle)

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It's off to kill we go
(whistle)

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho hum

Heigh-ho (until fade)

You may think this is overkill. Tell me, do you want a...

pink batman!!!??? or patman if you'd please. think about this...

Until next time. Adios...

the shampire chronicles

If you read my blog, I assume you have met the Shampire. Last time we met, things got pretty ugly to say the least. But behold the miracles of modern medicine! Guess who's back?

The SHAMPIRE!

and he is pissed!

Me: Guess what the cat dragged in? You're alive! WOW!
Shampire: Pfffttt! I am not talking to you.
Me: What happened?
Shampire: (stares at me with emo-eye-linered eyes)
Me: Aaahhh. You're angry about how things ended last time we met.
Shampire: Angry is an understatement! You almost got me killed!!
Me: But you didn't die.
Shampire: I could have.
Me: But you didn't.
Shampire: I could have!!!
Me: So you couldn't?
Shampire: Why you little bitch!
Me: Man, you must be pissed.
Shampire: An apology would be nice.
Me: My heartfelt apologies for almost killing you. I never thought it would get that epic.
Shampire: See? That's your problem. you never think. You just do!
Me: Enough with the apologies, so how are you still alive?
Shampire: It's a miracle. You left me for dead after my Stick of Karma blew up.
Me: Oh yeah. It was quite...
Shampire: (Evil eyes)
Me: Please go on with your story.
Shampire: The medics came and rushed me into the ER and the doctors performed surgery on me.
Me: Yeah I must say, you look quite different now. Almost as if you're too young.
Shampire: Thank you! You see, my skin was completely burnt for the most part. So the docs had to remove skin from my... (blushes)
Me: Let me guess. Your butt?
Shampire: My hips. Well.. Near my hips. Lower back.
Me: So your ass?
Shampire: Alright alright. My bottom. They removed the skin from my bottom. Don't worry. It's not as bad as
Me: FACE! BWAHAHAHAHA
Shampire: I am leaving right now! You always end up pissing me off.
Me: My apologies once again. But you look so different now.
Shampire: Yes yes my child. I am quite different now. Remember how I was like back in the day?
Me: Yeah. You were a sadistic sexist who used religion as a tool to fool others.
Shampire: Well.. I guess that sums it up. So anyway, while recovering from my life threatening injury, I realized the error of my ways and decided to change.
Me: How so?
Shampire: First of all, I have given up on believing in underage marriages, about having concubines, and blindly killing the innocent in the name of religion.
Me: I can't believe I am saying this. BUT those are what you are all about. What about the fear that strikes people's hearts when we say the word 'shampire'?
Shampire: I still believe in religion and some of those hardcore rules.
Me: So what are you now?
Shampire: I am still a shampire. But in simplest terms, let's say I am a vegetarian.
Me: What? O_o
Shampire: Listen here my child. I just don't want to brainwash people anymore and hurt innocents. My beliefs and ideologies stay with me. That's what I mean by saying I'm a vegetarian.
Me: So now you're gay?
Shampire: HOW DARE YOU?!!!
Me: I see that almost dying didn't change your nasty temper.
Shampire: It's not like I am a different person now. But
Me: FACE!!!!! LAAM VAAV LAAM!
Shampire: Why, I am going to beat you up with this stick.
Me: Is that a new Stick of Karma?
Shampire: This piece of junk? It's just a normal stick I keep with me.
Me: Alright. The docs, what kind of surgery did they perform?
Shampire: It was plastic surgery ofcourse.
Me: But to replace the damaged skin they had to perform another surgery, huh?
Shampire: Yes. And your point is?
Me: Did they do open-ass surgery on you? MuahAHAHAHahAHHAHAHAhAHAH
Shampire: (Shakes head) Sometimes I wonder why I even talk to you.
Me: Tell me, what's next for you?
Shampire: I want to live a quite life. Cause no trouble. Might even fool around a bit with some women my age.
Me: You player!
Shampire: Well, I must get going now.
Me: Fare thee well, my friend.
Shampire: You too. You misguided hopeless excuse for a human being!
Me: And that's the last I heard of the Shampire. I never met him or heard from him since then. He's not my friend. Nor my enemy. Because he's the hero that the world deserves. But not the one it needs right now. And so we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight! (Epic SEASONIC THUNDER!!!)

Few days later, after reviewing my draft

Shampire: Seriously? You sunk that low huh? You had to use the ending of the dark knight for my farewell?
Me: I can tell another ass joke before you go.
Shampire: NO!
Me: So every time you breath, you're technically farting. You are passing air from inbetween your ass-covered cheeks!

Thus ends the Shampire trilogy. He passed away few years later (guess he wasn't immortal) and below is the engraving I carved on his tombstone:

Lo, there do I see my Father..
Lo, there do I see my Mother...
And my Sisters and my Brothers..
Lo, there do I see the line
Of my people back to the beginning..
They do bid me to take my place among them..
In the Halls of Valhalla,
Where the Brave may live forever.

I hope his ghost doesn't come to haunt me for quoting a Viking Prayer! Adios...