if i was the president

I have come to notice that everyone is a politician these days. There is no need to study, live a good life, or even be 'human' in order for one to become involved in politics. Hence, I decided to give this a try and unfold how things would be if I was the president.

1. First and foremost, I will not make any promises. I would only listen and offer to 'think' about the issues at hand. That way, no one can call me a liar.

That's right. There will be no vows under the full moon during my reign!

2. There will be justice for all. I will look into our 2000 year old history and prosecute each and everyone for their abuse of our beloved nation. If the suspect is deceased, I will look for a living descendant and that person will pay for the crime. Everyone gets what they deserve (some more deserving than others).

Watch out Rannamaari king. Justice League is coming for you and your offsprings!

3. There will be absolute transparency.

 Transparency: from the things we use...

...to the dress we wear!

 4. The people will have the right to choose everything through a referendum. The kids can choose their parents. If the father doesn't meet the satisfaction of the household, the child can call for a no-confidence vote and the father can be axed and power given to a new and capable individual.

Small note: I alone reserve the power to oust myself (evil grin)

5. There will be prompt punishment for molesters, rapists, and murderes. It can range from public executions to (more fun) torturing shows on the streets. Once again I reiterate "Justice for all!"

figure 1: A possible idea for torturing a rapist. The setup can be modified to hook the chains onto his more delicate organs.

6. I will dismantle the tsunami monument and use the steel to make harpoons and kill errr I mean prosecute the so called 'stars' of Mollywood.

I don't know what will be the greater good: getting rid of the monument or the stars...

7. I will privatise each and everything.

Yes. You will now be paid to go and pray.

8. There will be no weekly radio adresses to the nation. Instead I will play a song on the radio which captures the mood of the country for that week.

 

This may sound selfish, but people, get ready to listen to death metal on a weekly basis.

 9. I will uphold the constituion of the country and ensure that all the lawyers do their job and keep the junkies and fundies behind bars. There will be no 'we didn't get enough evidence' bullshit during my presidency. I will ensure the law is bent in everyway possible to convict the suspect for his/her crimes.

I will twist, cut corners, and blackmail to make sure the Constitution is upheld!

10. Maldives will hold the 2018 FIFA World Cup!

The competition ball will be called the DHIBULANI and will be made by sonee sports. I will also ban the vuvuzelas and introduce the bubuzelas (bubu is the local tongue for bodu beru)

Until next time. Adios people...

5 things you should know about the maldives

We all love the Maldives. We claim that visitors from all over the world come to maldives after seeing the beauty of it (pun intended). I think that our beloved visitors aka piñatas filled with cash should know about our country before they set foot here. Here are five things you should know about the Maldives and to be honest, even us Maldivians need to know this as well. Let's start, shall we?

1. Your ability to yell and swear with no shame will grant you better jobs than a Doctorate in nuclear engineering.

2. Only two things can unite the Maldivian people: a tsunami and the SAFF Championship.

3. Any public display of affection is disallowed but you can grope, bump, and grind on the national television and it's perfectly legal and much encouraged.

4. Theatrical success is measured by how much the movie can make you cry

5. You are guilty unless proven innocent

a modest proposal

image courtesy of http://media.photobucket.com/image/drugs/parttake/prescription_drugs.jpg

In today’s world of escalating cost in living standards and declining job opportunities, life has become a game of survival of the fittest. People will go to any extremes to fulfill their needs. In other words, the world has become a “dog-eat-dog” environment. While some people try to work on the simple job they have and pray that the income will be enough, others make an effort to seek a better job, or at least a better source of income. Taking only profit into consideration, the drug market is an extremely high-profit industry and is the reason why it should be made legal.

According to Eric Green, more than 2.2 million pounds of drugs entered the United States in 2004, which has a street value of more than 2.6 billion dollars (US Department of State's Bureau of International Information Programs). That is more than the total expenditure of most Asian, Latin American, and some European countries (CIA-World Fact Book). If the United States were to start a drug industry, it would greatly enhance the economies of Third World Countries by providing many job opportunities.

If we look at the U.S Drug Enforcement Administration statistics of 2001 and 2002, the average price of cocaine ranges from $12,000 to $35,000 per kilogram; while the average price of methamphetamine ranges from $3,500 to $21,000 per kilogram; and the average price of marijuana ranges from $400 to $1,000 per pound. There is a chance, in this market, for the small businessmen out there who do not have the capital to do business on a larger scale. Given just three drugs; think of how much poverty that could be reduced by this business considering the additional drugs available for consumption.

The drug business is an ideal way to deal with the growing unemployment situation in the world. Green states, in his article, that there were more than 56,000 attempts to smuggle drugs in to the United States (United States Department of State's Bureau of International Information Programs). If it was made legal, the drug trade would lower the unemployment rate, a huge factor for the high number of crimes in the World, not only in the United States, but also in Colombia, Mexico, and other Asian countries. It will be just like farming, but instead of corn or soy beans, drug plants will be the cash-crop. As Raphael and Winter-Ebmer state in their journal, the overall “property crime rates” decline of “slightly more than 40 percent” from 1992 to 1997, can be credited to the decrease in the unemployment rate (281). So, in addition to helping better the economy, the drug industry will also reduce the crime rates, making the society a symbol of peace and harmony.

If the drug industry is working well, it will increase the government’s revenue. Looking at the figures, there are 2.6 billion dollars worth of drugs, and, if taxed at 5 percent, we would yield around 130 million dollars in revenue. Then, giant drug-farms can be designed and built.

To yield an even better income, scientists who can use biotechnology to enhance plant growth would be hired. Should that technique be able to produce enough to satisfy the country’s demand, the product could be exported to other countries and could slowly become a monopoly. The government can then impose an export tax and get almost the same amount of money as from previous taxes. In addition, the business now been centered in the country, will bring a better income to the companies involved in the business. Using the price of drugs already given, the income from taxes can be doubled as tax by having the drug exported. So this plan along with sales from exporting the drugs will bring a total predicted income of 2.86 billion dollars.

The income from this business could be used to finance the beneficial programs such as the President’s carbon neutrality program. The income could also be used by the educational program. If revenues from the drug industry are used, it would provide a huge portion, if not all, of the educational budget. So, literally, the total expenditure could be cut down or it can be used for further societal improvement. In other words, the drug industry could lead to a Maldives that is economically more stable.

The drug industry; it seems is the perfect way to earn a living. Others’ resources could be used to develop a business that would become a dominant force in the economy. It would lead to a country with an incredibly lower crime rate. Given these facts, one has to wonder why the drug trade is resented so much in the Maldives. Of course, voices could be and will be raised against this proposal. One may go on to argue about the ill-effects drugs have on our health. But, if all we want is a profitable business, why not choose the necessary evil? The drug industry could make one rich, which in turn makes him highly respected, and a social figure in the society; all factors which make a man powerful, and imagine all of this happening in such a short amount of time. I propose to give this a thought. Adios…

References:

Green, Eric. “United States Reports Further Success in Drug War.” United States Department of State's Bureau of International Information Programs. 13 Jan. 2005. 21 Sept. 2005

Raphael, Steven and Winter-Ebmer, Rudolf. “Identifying the Effect of Unemployment on Crime” The Journal of Law and Economics. 44 (2001): 259–283. 26 Sept. 2005

United States. Central Intelligence Agency. The World Fact Book. 30 Aug. 2005. 23 Sept. 2005. http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/fields/2056.html

United States. Drug Enforcement Administration. Drug Trafficking in the United
States. 21 Sept. 2005 http://www.usdoj.gov/dea/pubs/state_factsheets.html

my pathetic attempt at making a motivational poster

note: no monkeys were harmed during this photo session

the medicinal tongue

It's something different this time. I heard someone tell this joke in Dhivehi and decided to do my own take on the joke and put it out there for the world to see...