Wednesday, August 27, 2014

family disowns firstborn for freethinking

RADAVAN CITY, Maldives -- In what is otherwise a peaceful neighborhood in the capital of the Maldives, a local household has been shattered to its very core in a baffling turn of events after Ahmed (not his real name), the firstborn of his family, was disowned for, what some are calling, freethinking. Entering the fourth day since the staggering revelation, journalists are still unclear as to the exact nature of the catalytic event. Reporters in the capital have identified questioning authority of parents as the root cause of this incident. Neighbors wait anxiously with fear that other firstborns who live along the cramped streets of Radavan City might join freethinking as well, resulting in multiple disownments.

The authorities have thus far been reluctant to disclose the details as they do not want to publicly acknowledge the action and give legitimacy to disownment. Despite the secrecy, reporters were able to get a hold of the mother. Khadheeja (not her real name), a distraught woman of forty-three (not her real age), told reporters that her first born refused to eat vegetables at dinner.

a baby refuses to eat (file photo)

A police officer, on condition of complete anonymity, told reporters that they were able to formulate a much complicated timeline of the event. It seems Ahmed sat down to eat at 8:25 pm and the vegetables in question were placed on the dinner table at exactly 8:29 pm local time, upon which Ahmed refused. Ahmed refused to eat the vegetables upon continuous insistence by his mom and dad, telling them that the food was, in his own words, 'ewwwww'.

i can think of a few things that are ewwwer than that

"We know he is grownup and all, but he should not question us. We are his parents for God's sake!" Ahmed's father, Ali (not his real name), told reporters. "We have been very accepting of his ways. We let him grow his hair and get piercings on his ears and body." His father shared with the reporters.

"Why...we even accommodate his rowdy friends. And they drink under our own roof and smoke God knows what!" Ahmed's mother chimed in. "This one time he came home after 2 am, barely able to stand. His clothes were covered in blood and he had a knife in his hand. We...we didn't ask any questions. And now he questions our authority? Just like that?? What more could he ask for???!!"

"And did we tell you we provide for him since he doesn't even have a job? We are paying for his motorbike and his coffees and trips. We provide for our own child. We give him all the money he needs. We are damn good parents. He's left wanting for nothing and he does this to his poor parents!" The upset couple shared their story with the reporters. "And the worst bit is that he asked us why vegetables were good for him. He kept asking us why he should eat it. As if our words weren't good enough for him! He brought great shame to this house. How can we face our neighbors and friends and family after he questioned us like this?"

you have the luxury of not knowing what i know, you piece of shit!

Whatever the fallout from this event, it is clear that more disownments would follow as more people start thinking freely. Authorities are preparing for a nationwide crackdown should the phenomenon get out of hand. Till then, all we can do is brace and hope that Ahmed and his family return to their merry ways and acknowledge Ahmed as their son.

Until next time. Adios...

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